


press rewind and send a message

by stray_dog_sick



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Tumblr, Bad Jokes, Coming Out, Depression, Eating Disorders, Friends to Lovers, Group chat, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Secret Admirer, Secret Crush, Trans Character, Underage Drug Use, bad understanding of the american school system, in that they fall in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2018-11-04 10:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10988826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stray_dog_sick/pseuds/stray_dog_sick
Summary: Why bother making friends at school when you could just make friends online and then arrange to meet up with them?





	1. dear whoever

**Author's Note:**

> look at me writing a long fic wow  
> also there isn't any joetrick in chapter 1 but i promise it's coming, i had to tag it because this chapter makes it look like a peterick fic and it is not.
> 
> fic title is from 'young and menace' by fall out boy  
> chapter title is from 'cold pillows and warm blades' by arma angelus
> 
> hmu on tumblr:  
> @soul-punk for stuff related to this fic  
> @stray-dog-sick just in general
> 
> also, everyone's urls, just for reference:  
> brobecks - dal  
> blurryface - ty  
> celluloidheroes - spencer  
> deathspells - frank  
> decaydance - pete  
> electric-century - mikey  
> fallout-boy - joe  
> hesistantalien - gee  
> jetstar - ray  
> reinvent-love - ryan  
> soul-punk - patrick  
> spookyjim - josh  
> vices-virtues - brendon  
> willubminor - kenny  
> xvx - andy  
> youngveins - jon

Contrary to popular belief, Patrick did have hobbies other than scrolling through Tumblr. He enjoyed music, both playing and listening, and liked helping his mum cook dinner. But he spent the majority of his time scrolling through Tumblr.

He didn’t see this as a bad thing; he’d certainly learnt a lot from the website. It’s just that he didn’t have any friends at school because he was always on his phone, but he didn’t have any friends _online_ either.

Which is mostly why he decided to apply for the Young Menace network. One of the blogs he followed, _decaydance_ , had started it up a couple of weeks ago, a small group of LGBT+ teens that would have a group chat and a tag for original posts. And so Patrick, trying to make friends for once, had applied.

He didn’t have high hopes though. He wasn’t even entirely sure he counted as LGBT if the discourse on his dash lately was anything to go on.

He was watching a slime video when his phone pinged, telling him he had a notification from the app. He switched over to the activity tag to check it.

As soon as he saw the latest notification, he grinned. There it was, in all of its highlighted purple glory:

_decaydance mentioned you in a post_

He scanned it quickly, skimming through the short introduction to the list of blogs that had been accepted. There were 16 including his and _decaydance_ , with names and pronouns next to them. He didn’t recognise any of the other blogs, so he followed them quickly. There was also a list of trigger warnings at the bottom, and Patrick made a mental note of the things he’d have to start tagging.

His phone buzzed again, this time with a message alert from _decaydance_ , whom he now knew was called Pete.

 **decaydance:** hey patrick! welcome to young menace. do you have facebook? thats the only thing with group chats that i know how to use i didnt think this thing through

 **soul-punk:** yeah i do!! and thanks for accepting me i wasnt even sure if i counted aha

 **decaydance:** awesome, i’m pete wentz on facebook, living in chicago if there’s more than one. and dw you totally count and you arent the only ace i accepted so should be all good

 **soul-punk:** giving out the full name wow you must really trust me. accept any friend requests for a patrick stump.

Patrick closed out of Tumblr and opened Facebook, ignoring all the school drama in favour of searching for Pete. It wasn’t a tough task, and the request was accepted quickly.

“Patrick, dinner’s ready!” Patrick swore under his breath as he heard his mother’s voice. He sent a message to Pete saying “ _be back in 30ish”_ and ran downstairs.

That wasn’t the first time he hoped dinner would be something quick to eat so that he could get back on his phone.

\-----

When he’d finished eating he unlocked his phone to find a bunch of Messenger notifications. Pete had created the group chat, and he scrolled up to the top to see what he’d missed.

The first few messages were just everyone being added to the chat and having their nicknames set to their URLs, so Patrick skipped over those.

 **decaydance:** hey everyone! group chat exists. should probably introduce ourselves or something idk how this works.

 **decaydance:** except introductions are boring its far more interesting to just figure things out about people as we go

 **decaydance:** does anyone here already know someone else or are we all strangers

 **celluloidheroes:** ryan is my best friend irl we go waaay back get on our level

 **hesitantalien:** get on your level? mikey is actually my younger brother get on OUR level

 **celluloidheroes:** i mean to be fair ryan spends more time at my house than his own we’ve like unofficially adopted him but WOW

 **decaydance:** how did i accidentally select two siblings to be in the same net??

 **electric-century:** gee and i are great like that

Patrick chuckled. He could already tell this chat was going to be great, especially if there’d be some real life drama from Spencer and Ryan, and Gee and Mikey.

 **soul-punk:** i dont know any of you wheres everyone from

 **decaydance:** you’re back!! and that was one of the questions on the application hang on

 **decaydance:** me, patrick, jon and joe are in chicago. gee, mikey, frank and ray are all in belleville nj that’s weird. ryan, spencer and brendon are in vegas. ty and josh are in columbus, andy is in milwaukee, dal is in salt lake city and kenny is in denver.

 **vices-virtues:** there are people actually from milwaukee?? thats Wild

 **xvx:** yes there are thanks

 **decaydance:** anyway i have to go work so you guys have fun and get to know each other or something see you all later

Patrick looked at the time and realised Pete must have a night shift somewhere, and also that it was getting late and he still hadn’t done all his homework. He turned the volume off on his phone and put it on to charge. He’d have plenty of time to talk to the others another day.

\-----

Patrick paid more attention to the group chat than his classes the next day. He’d mastered the art of texting during school long ago, so it wasn’t difficult.

Apparently, everyone else in the chat hated school as much as he did, as there were messages constantly.

_Private Message from Pete Wentz_

**Pete:** mooorning

 **Patrick:** it’s 2pm

 **Pete:** whatever

 **Pete:** anyway just wanted to check in make sure you were cool with the group chat idk sometimes people just dont mesh

 **Patrick:** no its all good!!

 **Pete:** thats great

 **Pete:** also idk where in chicago you are but my band is playin a show in wilmette on saturday

 **Patrick:** i’m in glenview

 **Patrick:** you have a band?

 **Pete:** yeah arma angelus? its hardcore you might not like it but you post a lot of music so

 **Patrick:** i’ll see if i can make it

Patrick switched back over to the group chat to see that Brendon and Josh were just sending bad GIFs to each other. Well, at least he’d always be entertained.

\-----

“Hey mum, can I go to a gig on Saturday night?” Patrick’s mother was usually good about letting him go to concerts, but he still got nervous every time he asked.

“Sure, honey! Where is it?” His mother looked up from whatever she was cooking and smiled at Patrick.

“Uh, over in Wilmette? I’m not sure where exactly, I’m meeting up with a friend. Just need a lift there and back.” Well, he wasn’t exactly lying. He would be meeting up with Pete, just not until after the concert.

“Of course!” she replied. Patrick thanked her and then went back up to his room to tell Pete.

_Private Message to Pete Wentz_

**Patrick:** saturday is a go!!

 **Pete:** excellent news!!

Patrick closed his chat bubbles and opened Tumblr, scrolling through the young menace tag to see what his new friends had posted. Most of it didn’t fit with his blog type, but he still liked it as his likes were visible on his blog.

Frank, Brendon and Kenny apparently also had music blogs, although the only one who posted music Patrick actually knew was Kenny. He stalked that blog for a while, reblogging lyric edits until the chat bubble popped back up.

 **willubminor:** patrick is spamming my tumblr guys the net works

 **youngveins:** networks

 **soul-punk:** ur welcome ur stuff is quality content

 **willubminor:** aw thanks

 **decaydance:** mission Success also patrick i’m sending you the rest of the info abt saturday

 **soul-punk:** awesome thanks pete

 **jetstar:** you guys are meeting up? belleville squad why do we suck

 **deathspells:** because we’re gay

 **brobecks:** sounds Problematic

 **brobecks:** wait no i got the joke

 **blurryface:** i didnt

Patrick had to turn his phone off to stop laughing and prevent an asthma attack. He didn’t usually laugh this hard at one joke, which maybe showed how long he’d be friendless for.

He was still worried that the others would kick him out when they found out he was asexual though. Pete said it wouldn’t be a problem, but Pete probably didn’t know these people any better than he knew Patrick.

He was panromantic, so he had that going for him, but some people were weird about the whole 'asexual' thing. He’d blacklisted ‘ace discourse’ a long time ago, but some still slipped through the cracks, and it made him feel terrible every time.

Thinking about that had stopped the laughing fit pretty quickly, so Patrick turned his phone screen back on.

No one had messaged the group chat, so he opened Tumblr again. His dash looked so different now that he was following people who weren’t music blogs. Maybe it would inspire him to do something other than scroll through Tumblr and listen to music.

He checked his inbox as well since he sometimes missed the notifications. He didn’t get them often, but he still liked to check.

_spookyjim asked: hey, your blog is really cool! hope we can be friends :)_

_soul-punk replied: thanks josh!! me too, maybe u should like message the group chat haven’t seen u in there yet_

_decaydance asked: psst post abt my band ur followed by music nerds_

_soul-punk: (pete even i haven’t listened to ur band yet) guys check out arma angelus! hardcore tunes from the chicago area_

That was all he had in his inbox, not that he was expecting much. He only had about 150 followers. so he didn’t get a lot of fan mail. Pete, on the other hand, had 5000 the last he’d heard and was constantly answering asks. It made Patrick’s phone go a little crazy sometimes since he had Pete on post notifications.

Speaking of which, a new post appeared from Pete. He tapped it and waited for the blog to load. Pete had reblogged one of those ‘discourse about everyday items’ posts, but for some reason appeared to have a full essay in the tags.

Pete didn’t have a tagging system, but neither did Patrick, so he didn’t really mind. It was interesting to see inside the other boy’s head with the tag commentary though.

He scrolled through Pete’s blog for a while until he psyched himself up to start his homework. Just because he had friends now, didn’t mean he could start slacking on school work.

\-----

Saturday arrived quickly, and Patrick spent most of the day worrying about the concert. He’d listened to some Arma Angelus stuff, and it was a _lot_ heavier than what he usually listened to. He liked it, but he knew the pit at the show would be insane, and he hadn’t experienced that before.

He was way too short for moshing, he told himself. Maybe he’d just stand at the back and admire Pete from a distance until after the show.

He wasn’t even sure he owned any moshpit-appropriate clothes. He just put on skinny black jeans, a black t-shirt and some trainers. Not the most stylish footwear, but he knew from experience that he’d regret wearing anything else the next day.

“Patrick honey, are you ready?” his mother called up the stairs.

“Yeah,” Patrick yelled back, grabbing his phone, wallet and keys just in case. He went downstairs and had a glass of water -hydration at concerts is the key to success - before following his mother out to the car.

The drive over to Wilmette passed quickly, and Patrick scrolled through his messages to find the one from Pete with directions to the venue. It was a fifteen-minute walk, but the band was still setting up when he arrived, so he didn’t mind.

This also meant he could get to the front of the small crowd. He figured he’d rather be crushed against the stage than beaten up in the crowd. He’d have bruises on his knees, but probably not a broken nose.

The lights dimmed, and Patrick felt the audience surge towards the stage. He watched Pete walk onstage and grab the microphone, and lost himself in the movement of the crowd behind him.

The guitars and drums were loud, and Patrick had no idea what Pete was screaming, but he enjoyed it all the same. He forgot for a second that Pete was only 18 because he looked like he’d been performing his whole life.

Pete knew what he was doing with the fans too. He came right up to the edge of the stage at the end of the third song to scream along with them. His crotch was way too close to Patrick’s face for comfort, and Pete was definitely dripping sweat onto him. It was kinda gross. But Pete mouthed ‘sorry’ to him at the end of the song, so he shrugged it off. He’d get used to it.

After the band had finished their set, Patrick pushed through the crowd to the backstage door. Security stopped him, of course. “Hey, I’m friends with Pete?” he said to the bouncer at the door. “Tell him Patrick’s here.”

The bouncer looked reluctant but yelled backstage, and seconds later Pete was pulling Patrick through the door and hugging him. “Did you like it? You looked uncomfortable, did I make you uncomfortable? Or did you just hate it? Oh no-”

“Pete, shut up,” Patrick interrupted. “The show was fantastic. Yeah, I was a little uncomfortable at one point, but now I know what to expect for next time.”

“You’d come see us again?” Pete leant back, looking like he can’t quite believe Patrick

“Yeah, of course. I mean, you’re probably my best friend after all. I’m a total loser when I’m not on the Internet,” Patrick joked. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket to make sure it was damaged and found he had a lot of messages from the group chat.

“Hey, wanna gloat to the group chat about meeting up?” Pete said, looking around for his own phone.

“Sure! C’mon, we’ll take an obnoxious selfie.” Patrick pulled Pete into a side-hug and took the picture, making sure they’re both smiling.

 **soul-punk:** [picture attached]

 **soul-punk:** pete and i are bros now its confirmed

 **jetstar:** again @ belleville crew what are we doing why aren’t we going to punk concerts together

 **spookyjim:** it doesn't count as going together if pete is in the band.

 **xvx:** someone come to punk shows in milwaukee with me

 **vices-virtues:** andy literally no one wants to go to milwaukee ever

The group chat antics were interrupted when Patrick got a text from his mum, saying she was waiting for him. He sent a quick message back, saying he’d be about 20 minutes, before turning to Pete, who’d been reading the conversation over his shoulder.

“It was really nice meeting you,” Patrick said with a smile.

“You too, Patrick. I’ll let you know when the next show is, yeah?”

Patrick nodded and hugged Pete one more time before leaving. He put his phone away so he could focus on remembering the way back to his mom’s car, but it continued to buzz in his pocket. He imagined this is how all the other kids in the school felt.

All his old friends always told him he would never be popular. Patrick figured that having 15 friends was certainly a good start.


	2. pumping through your speakers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Joe Trohman exists and is wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to upload this earlier but my wifi died for like nine hours. on the plus side though i now have most of chapter three written.
> 
> chapter title from 'sophomore slump or comeback of the year' by fall out boy
> 
> re: the tags - the kids talk about smoking weed near the end, although no drugs are taken in the fic itself

**fallout-boy:** chicago crew where you at

 **fallout-boy:** like in chicago i know ur all at school

 **youngveins:** in the city woo urbanisation

 **soul-punk:** glenview

 **decaydance:** wilmette

 **fallout-boy:** okay because i lied a little on my application i actually live in ohio but i’m moving to illinois next week so

 **fallout-boy:** i think we’re moving to glenview actually that sounds very familiar

 **soul-punk:** yes joe!!!

Patrick heard his psychology teacher call his name and looked up. She was looking at him expectantly. “Can you repeat the question?”

“Who conducted the Stanford prison experiment, Patrick?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Patrick was suddenly glad he’d watched a documentary about it a couple of weeks ago. “Zimbardo,” he answered. The teacher nodded and moved on, so Patrick looked back at his phone.

 **soul-punk:** there’s only one good public school so we’ll probably be together

 **fallout-boy:** wow this is insane

 **decaydance:** anyway if you chicago boys are ever in wilmette go to the subway i’ll make you free sandwiches

 **fallout-boy:** you’re ruining the moment pete

 **fallout-boy:** do you have a gsa

 **soul-punk:** yea but i dont go cause i have no friends

The bell rang, distracting Patrick long enough that he remembered to pack his stuff up and leave the room. He was excited that he might finally have a friend at school with him. Lunch break was boring if you were alone.

\-----

_Private Message from Joe Trohman_

**Joe:** so hey how does ur school work i start on monday

 **Patrick:** monday?? oh man do u have ur schedule

 **Joe:** [picture attached]

 **Patrick:** oh ur in my homeroom and a couple of my classes that makes things easier. i’ll like give u a tour and an explanation on monday it’ll make more sense

Patrick was excited that Joe was joining his school, but also a bit nervous. He was worried that if they were together for hours every day, Joe’d realise how much of a loser Patrick was.

He also knew Joe wanted to join the GSA, another thing that made Patrick nervous. He had no idea who was in that club, or if it was a safe space or just full of straight girls looking for gay best friends.

There was a knock on his bedroom door. “Come in,” he said, knowing it would just be his mother.

“Hey, honey,” she said. “How’s it going?”

Usually, Patrick shrugged her off when she asked about his life, but for once he had something to say. “I made a few friends on that blogging site I’m always on, and one of the guys is moving to Glenview next week. He’s gonna be in my classes.”

“Oh, that’s fantastic news!” His mother was grinning, and Patrick couldn’t help but smile too. “Maybe you should invite him over for dinner once his family’s settled down.”

Patrick chuckled. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll take him to see some local bands too. They’re moving here from Ohio, he probably doesn’t know any of my favourite bands.”

“Well I’m glad you’re making friends, Patrick,” his mum said. “Anything else?”

Patrick bit his lip. “Uh, actually, can I stay after school on Tuesday? There’s a club Joe wants to join, I said I’d go with him.”

“Which club?” his mother asked, and Patrick froze for a second. He wasn’t out to his mum yet - not because he thought she’d be unaccepting, he just hadn’t seen a reason to tell her before.

“It’s the Gay-Straight Alliance?” he answered finally, breaking eye contact to look at his bed. “I’m asexual, which means that I don’t feel sexual attraction, and panromantic, so I feel romantic attraction for people no matter what gender they identify as.”

His mum pulled him into a side-hug, and he relaxed against her. “Honey, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. And yes, you can stay after school.”

Patrick smiled. “Thanks, mum. You’re the best.”

\-----

Before Patrick knew it, his alarm was ringing on Monday morning, his mother already yelling at him to get up. He was tempted to tell his mother he was sick, but then remembered that he’d committed himself to showing Joe around on his first day.

Why did he do that? Patrick knew hardly anything about the school. The only extracurricular activity he was in was marching band.

 **fallout-boy:**!!¡!

 **jetstar:** ah yes, the exclamation points of Anxiety

 **fallout-boy:** new schools suck

 **deathspells:** ehh you’ll be fine

 **fallout-boy:** thanks frank i feel sooo much better now

Patrick was glad to know he wasn’t the only one freaking out a little. He got ready for school quickly since he’d slept through his first alarm, not paying much attention to what he was wearing. His mother didn’t send him back upstairs to change, so it must’ve been socially acceptable.

He arrived five minutes before the bell and decided to head to homeroom early for once, instead of the band room. He was the first person there, which made sense; Joe probably had meetings with various student guidance leaders or whatever.

The bell rung, and the teacher walked in. Patrick’s homeroom teacher was a gym teacher, but he was cool. He didn’t care if they just sat on their phones the whole time.

He was followed in by a boy with curly brown hair. Patrick recognised Joe from his Facebook profile picture, of course, and smiled when Joe caught his eye.

“Alright class, new student! Any volunteers to show Joe around the school?” Patrick’s hand shot up, and the teacher looked surprised; Patrick _never_ volunteered for things.

“Alright then, Patrick. You guys can go do that then, I guess,” the teacher said, and Patrick grabbed his backpack and lead Joe out of the room.

“You’re a lot shorter than I expected,” was the first thing Joe said to him. Patrick laughed at both the comment and the absurdity of the greeting.

“Yeah, I’m a short guy. Anyway, welcome to Glenview! I know I promised you a tour, but it probably won’t be a good one,” Patrick warned. “So, this corridor just has random classrooms, I guess? Psychology is down here, business studies, I don’t know.”

Patrick and Joe wandered through the school, Patrick pointing out which corridors held which classrooms. He stopped in front of the band room. “I don’t know if you play any instruments, but I’m in the drumline, so I hang out here with the marching band kids.”

Joe shrugged. “I play the guitar, but that isn’t really a marching band instrument. I’m down for hanging out anywhere with music, though.”

The bell for the first period rang. “What do you have first?” Patrick asked, and Joe got his phone out to check his schedule.

“I have English,” Joe responded.

Patrick nodded and started walking Joe to his first lesson. “I’ll be in the band room at lunch, okay? Just ask anyone that doesn’t look like a jock or cheerleader for directions.”

“Thanks, man. See you later!” Joe entered his new English classroom and Patrick walked to his Maths lesson.

That had gone a lot better than Patrick expected. Joe seemed kind, even if he did smell slightly of weed. Hopefully, the GSA on Tuesday would turn out well too. He didn’t want to ruin Joe’s first week at school by taking him to a terrible club, after all.

\-----

When Patrick got home, he sent the picture he’d taken with Joe at lunchtime to the group chat and uploaded it (along with the picture of him and Pete) to Tumblr.

 **blurryface:** patrick is like that guy who goes to a concert and then meets the band in a starbucks before the show do you know what i mean

 **spookyjim:** ur just mad because ur parents wont let u meet up with me

 **blurryface:** yea i am

 **xvx:** great picture though nice selfie skills

 **soul-punk:** thanks andy

His set of selfies already had 10 notes, which was pretty impressive for Patrick. Joe had reblogged it, and he knew Pete would once he saw it.

 **hesitantalien:** two can play at that game

 **hesitantalien:** [picture attached]

 **electric-century:** gee we literally we live together we dont count also when did you take that ??

 **hesitantalien:** look mikey do u wanna be as cool as patrick or not

 **soul-punk:** psh i’m not cool

 **fallout-boy:** i can confirm this patrick is in drumline he’s not cool

 **celluloidheroes:** what did you just say about drumline

 **reinvent-love:** spencer chill you can’t murder people on the internet

 **reinvent-love:** also while we’re on the topic here’s a picture of spencer and i we don’t live together yet so it totally counts

 **reinvent-love:** [picture attached]

 **decaydance:** good morning children

Pete was finally at home, so Patrick opened the activity page on his Tumblr, waiting for Pete to reblog his selfies. The notification appeared. And then another, and a few more, until he was starting to consider turning off his notifications for people he didn’t follow. He forgot about Pete’s 5000 followers and how much they liked Pete’s face.

 **jetstar:** i’m older than you pete also it is not morning.

 **vices-virtues:** false it is still morning here just about

 **decaydance:** in your face ray

 **willubminor:** good luck at gsa tomorrow patrick+joe i hope the people at ur school dont suck

 **brobecks:** if they do suck just punch them

 **jetstar:** no do not do that!

 **deathspells:** can i punch all the people in my school who suck

 **jetstar:** NO

 **soul-punk:** haha thanks guys you’re the bes

_[two pictures attached]_

_soul-punk: never let anyone tell you that the friends you make online aren’t real (feat @decaydance and @fallout-boy)_

_#lookitspatrick #youngmenacenet_

_80 notes_

\-----

Patrick didn’t remember the last time he was as nervous as when the final bell rang on Tuesday. He knew he probably didn’t have anything to worry about; he wasn’t even going alone. He just didn’t want this to backfire.

He met Joe at the front of the school, and they walked over to the languages corridor together, where the meetings took place. The group was run by one of the French teachers, who Patrick had never had since he took Spanish, but had heard lots of good things about.

There was already a small group of people in the room when they arrived. Patrick waved at them awkwardly, recognising a couple, and the two of them grabbed chairs and joined the circle.

By 3:30 there were about 20 people in the room, and all of them were glancing at Patrick and Joe occasionally. The teacher in charge cleared his throat. “Alright you lot, welcome back. I see we have two new faces today! Do you want to introduce yourselves? Names and pronouns, of course, but you don’t need to say anything else if you don’t want.”

Patrick internally sighed with relief. “I’m Patrick, and I use he and him,” he said. He turned to Joe, indicating that it was the other boy’s turn to speak.

“I’m Joe, I use he and him too,” he said with a smile.

“Great to meet you, Joe and Patrick!” the teacher replied. “So, how’s the week been for everyone?”

Patrick figured out how the group worked pretty quickly. They went around the circle, students talking about anything of significance that had happened to them in the last week, other members jumping in to offer advice or similar stories. Patrick liked it, even if he was kinda nervous about giving his opinions.

Eventually, it was Joe’s turn. “Well, the reason I haven’t been to one of these meetings is that I only moved here from Ohio over the weekend. So that’s interesting, I guess.”

“Welcome to the school then, Joe!” the teacher said (and Patrick really should find out his name). “How did you learn about this group so quickly?”

“Patrick and I already knew each other online,” Joe explained, smiling at Patrick. “So I asked him about it once I found out I was moving to his school.”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah, I’d heard about the group even though I hadn’t been before, and Joe dragged me here with him.”

Joe nodded, then nudged Patrick slightly, indicating that it was his turn to talk about the week. “Well, I came out to my mother this week when I told her I was joining this group. She was really supportive, which was great. I love my mum.”

Patrick zoned out for the rest of the meeting unless someone said his name - ‘the cocktail party effect’, he could practically hear his psychology teacher saying - telling himself that he’d participate more the next week.

Patrick and Joe sat on one of the benches in front of the school once the group was over, waiting for their mothers. Patrick pulled his phone out his pocket to check the group chat, and Joe did the same. There were messages of support amongst the memes, which made Patrick smile

 **soul-punk:** mission success everyone seemed cool

 **fallout-boy:** this just in patrick is really quiet irl

 **xvx:** i’m happy it all went well for you guys

 **deathspells:** i wish my school had a gsa but noooo i go to a freakin catholic school

 **blurryface:** you’re catholic?

 **deathspells:** no

“Hey,” Joe said, making Patrick look up from his phone “I’m pansexual. Just thought you should know.”

Patrick suddenly realised that he hadn’t known that before - he’d forgotten that Pete skipped introductions when the group was made.

“I’m asexual and panromantic,” Patrick admitted. Now that he’d told his mother, it felt nice to tell other people too. Plus he would probably be stuck with Joe for the next two and a half years anyway, so he’d have to inform the guy at some point.

“That’s cool. Our parents are taking so long, is there traffic or something?” Joe groaned, tipping his head back to look at the sky.

“C’mon, they’ll show up. We won’t have to live in the school if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Okay, but speaking of that, where’s the best place in the school to smoke weed?”

Patrick looked at Joe in astonishment. “I am really not the best person to answer that,” Patrick responded finally, just his mother’s car pulled up. “Oh hey, that’s my ride. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Bye!” Joe called as Patrick got in the car.

His mother smiled at him as he buckled his seatbelt. “Hey honey, how was your day?” she asked.

Patrick hummed. “School was the usual. The GSA was alright though, I’m gonna go back next week.”

“That’s good, I’m glad you’re making some friends who are like you,” she said.

“Yeah, me too,” Patrick agreed, checking his phone since there wasn't anything interesting to see on the drive home.

 **fallout-boy:** patrick doesn’t know where to smoke weed at school what kind of friend is he

 **youngveins:** whaaat

 **soul-punk:** i’m young and asthmatic let me live

 **vices-virtues:** patrick youth is no excuse i am a freshman and i know all the good smoking spots and most of the dealers in my school

 **reinvent-love:** how do you get weed dude do you even have a job?

 **vices-virtues:** no they give me it for free because it stops me having panic attacks if i ever have to speak in front of the class

 **brobecks:** you told me you were in the drama club

 **vices-virtues:** memorising a bunch of lines and being called on by a teacher you aren’t paying attention to are two very different things

 **decaydance:** your school has some great weed dealers

 **willubminor:** there aren’t any dealers at my school it sucks i have to go find Shady Corner Guy

Patrick looked over at his mother. He knew she was driving and was therefore not reading his messages, but he knew she wouldn’t approve of him hanging out with people who did drugs. Which sucked, because she seemed really excited about inviting Joe around for dinner.

He may not have approved of everything his friends did, but they were still his friends. He wasn’t planning on losing them that quickly.


	3. turn the lights off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick learns some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know it hasn't been very long since i last updated this but i was Inspired 
> 
> chapter title from 'love at first sight' by the brobecks

Patrick looked down at his geometry homework and groaned in frustration. He understood it, it was just so _tedious._ Proving things about triangles got repetitive quickly.

 **soul-punk:** heeey any of you want to do my geometry homework i can do it i’m just bored

 **fallout-boy:** absolutely not what even is this

 **fallout-boy:** do yours so that i can copy the answers

 **electric-century:** speaking of homework gee do u still have ur music theory notes from last year

 **hesitantalien:** yeah u gotta come downstairs and get them tho i’m wearing a skirt

 **electric-century:** on my way

 **willubminor:** could you not have just gone downstairs and asked in person

 **hesitantalien:** neither mikey nor i know how to socialise like normal human beings

Patrick put his phone down again before he got distracted even more and answered a few more proof questions. He couldn’t wait until he could take Algebra 2. He loved algebra, for some reason.

Eventually, though. he just threw his pen down in frustration. Patrick knew he wouldn’t get it done if he was this unmotivated, and figured he could go do something else and then come back to it afterwards.

He went downstairs to the garage, where he kept his drum kit. He sat down, picking up the drumsticks he left there last time he played.

He tapped out a rhythm on the snare drum, practising the beats he played in marching band, before starting to drum properly. He wasn’t playing any particular songs, just going with the flow.

It felt good; it had been awhile since he last let himself loose on the drums. He’d been so caught up in his new friends that he’d just kinda forgotten how much it helped.

He didn’t stop until he saw his mother stood in front of him. His hands were slick with sweat, and he was breathing heavily as he looked up at her.

“I appreciate the soundtrack, Patrick, but I also know that you drum when you’re trying to get out of doing your homework.” His mother stood with her hands on her hips, an eyebrow raised.

“Maths is repetitive,” Patrick explained, running a hand through his hair.

His mother sighed. “You have half an hour before dinner, honey. Try and get it done before then, okay? I thought we could have a movie night tonight.

Patrick nodded and stood up. He enjoyed hanging out with his mother enough that it almost made him want to do his homework.

\-----

 **brobecks:** what part of ‘i don’t want to have sex with you’ do people not understand

 **spookyjim:** relatable tbh so many girls hit on me because i have great abs like i’m flattered but i’m also really gay

 **brobecks:** there’s this one guy who keeps asking for a one-night stand i’m just like.. i can’t do that dude we gotta work towards that

 **xvx:** wait are you demisexual??

 **brobecks:** yeah

 **youngveins:** okay i spend a lot of time on tumblr but i have no idea what that means

 **brobecks:** i’m only sexually attracted to people i have a close emotional bond with is the best way to put it i guess?

Patrick was glad Jon had asked for an explanation because he hadn’t come across the term before either. Or, he probably had, he’d just skimmed over it because he’d figured out his sexuality and all before.

Something about the definition sounded right, but he couldn’t figure out how. He’d had a girlfriend for most of his freshman year, Elisa, and Patrick was fairly sure he’d been in love with her, but he’d never been sexually attracted to her, not that he could remember. Luckily they’d been friends for such a long time that Elisa understood.

_Oh._

_[Private Message to Dallon Weekes]_

**Patrick:** ok i know we dont know each other very well yet but i’m having an epiphany and didnt wanna do it in the group chat

 **Dallon:** okay?

 **Patrick:** is there like.. a romantic version of being demisexual?

 **Dallon:** yeah of course there is

 **Dallon:** only romantically attracted to people you’re already friends with. or some other kind of bond but i guess that would be the most common.

 **Dallon:** idk i never researched it properly because i knew i wasn’t demiromantic sorry i’m not more helpful

 **Patrick:** no thats great my entire life has just started making a little more sense

 **Patrick:** thanks dal

 **Dallon:** you’re welcome

_(Dallon changed his nickname to Dal)_

**Dal:** ah thats better

 **Dal:** my parents said i could only have facebook if i added them so i had to use my birthname it sucks

 **Dal:** #nonbinarymormonproblems

 **Patrick:** a very specific problem type

“Patrick, I know you’re surgically attached to your phone, but you could at least pretend to be interested in the movie?”

Patrick looked up as he heard his mother’s voice. He felt guilty because he knew she’d been looking forward to their movie night all afternoon. “I’m sorry, mum. I just... figured something out, and had to ask about it. I’m done now.”

He turned his attention to the TV, where Love Actually was playing even though it wasn’t Christmas. He did enjoy this film, so he put his phone out of his sight and started to watch it properly.

He didn’t feel the need to tell his mother about this development, at least not until he’d properly thought about it. He’d tell Joe at some point, though.

It felt nice having a best friend that he could talk to. It had been awhile since he last had that.

\-----

_[Private Message from Pete Wentz]_

**Pete:** yo, another arma angelus show on saturday, same place, bring joe if you can

Patrick nudged Joe, who was sat next to him in the band room, showing him Pete’s message.

“Arma Angelus is Pete’s band, right?” Joe asked. Patrick nodded. “Sure, I’m down. My parents will probably let me go too. The only thing is that we’d probably get lost trying to find the venue, wherever it is.”

“Oh, my mum took me a couple of weeks ago. We can probably pick you up,” Patrick said.

“Really? Thanks! I’ll ask tonight and text you if I can go. And give you my address, you’ll probably need that.”

_[Private Message to Pete Wentz]_

**Patrick:** yeah we’ll be there, as long as parents say yes

 **Pete:** yay!! I’ll try and stick my crotch in joes face instead of yours this time

 **Patrick:** i appreciate it

Patrick looked back up to find Joe staring at him. “What, do I have something on my face?”

Joe jumped slightly and then blushed, looking down at the floor instead. “No, I was just daydreaming,” he said.

Patrick wasn’t convinced by his answer but decided not to push it. “Well, better to daydream staring at my face than someone else’s boobs, I guess.”

Joe chuckled, still sounding slightly uncomfortable. “Yeah, exactly.”

The bell rang, and Patrick got up and left quickly since he still had to get to locker before his next lesson. He pushed his way through to the group of lockers by his homeroom to grab his biology notes.

Something fell out of the locker when he opened it. He crouched down to get the small pink sticky note, shoving it in his pocket to read in class.

He grabbed his folder and headed to his biology class, arriving just before the late bell. He pulled the note out of his pocket to read it, trying to decipher the messy handwriting.

_You have beautiful eyes._

Well, that was certainly new.

\-----

Patrick wasn’t sure when he’d decided that detailing his whole life to the chat was a good idea, but that certainly didn’t stop him. This was the first time someone (other than Elisa) had left cute notes in his locker, and he needed other people’s opinions on the incident.

 **soul-punk:** so i think i may have a secret admirer

 **deathspells:** yo that’s rad

 **vices-virtues:** no one says rad anymore frank wyd

 **deathspells:** shut up brendon i do what i want

 **soul-punk:** it would be rad if i knew who it was :/

 **celluloidheroes:** i once thought i had a secret admirer but it was just ryan leaving his poetry in my locker because he forgot his combination but knew mine ??

 **reinvent-love:** i remember that it was hilarious

 **blurryface:** you guys have such exciting lives honestly the most interesting mine gets is when someone on the basketball team gets caught doing drugs or something

 **reinvent-love:** ew sports

 **hesitantalien:** relatable

 **jetstar:** do you recognise the handwriting patrick

 **deathspells:** he just said he didnt know who it was ray obviously he doesnt recognise the handwriting

 **jetstar:** alright alright just trying to help

 **jetstar:** can you tell anything from it though? whats the handwriting like?

 **soul-punk:** its really messy writing? idk man what kind of details do you want

 **decaydance:** i hope that goes well for you but seriously are you and joe coming to my show on saturday

 **soul-punk:** oh yeah we’ll be there

\-----

Patrick’s mother drove him and Joe over to Wilmette on Saturday night, trying to make conversation with the awkward teenagers. She seemed interested in learning everything about Joe, which Patrick found weird.

She dropped them off on the main road again, and Patrick looked around, trying to orientate himself. He knew how to get to the club, he’d looked it up on Google Maps again before they left, but everything looked the same from ground level.

The two of them began to walk to the venue once Patrick found the right street. They walked in silence, enjoying the cold night air.

Joe was the one who broke the silence. “So, a secret admirer, huh?”

Patrick laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, looks like it. They didn’t leave any other notes this week, though.”

“Any ideas who it is?” Joe asked. His interest in Patrick’s admirer seemed very sudden since he disappeared any time it was brought up in the group chat.

“No, I don’t know. I hope it’s genuine though, not just someone playing a prank on me.”

Joe laughed. “I bet it’s the guy in our geometry class who dropped his pencil in front of you the other day. He was definitely showing off when he bent over to pick it up.”

Patrick shuddered in fake horror. “Richie? God, I hope not. He listens to country music.”

“What are you gonna do when you find out who it is?” Joe asked.

Patrick thought about that for a minute. He hadn’t actually considered the fact that the person might admit to it. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I’d end up dating them, though.”

“Really?” Joe seemed surprised. “Why not? It’s clear that this person has a crush on you.”

“I, um, actually had a realisation the other day. Remember how Dal was talking about being demisexual?” Patrick waited for Joe to nod before continuing. “Well, I spoke to them for a while and realised that I’m demiromantic, and have to be friends with someone before I can date them. So I can’t really see myself dating the person who left that note, I guess.”

“Hey, it’s great that you figured that out!” Joe said. He was smiling, but Patrick could tell he was faking it. He had no idea why, though.

The only explanation Patrick could come up with was that Joe was disgusted. Sure, he’d seemed cool with the fact that Patrick didn’t want sex when Patrick told him that, but maybe he was lying about that too just to keep the one friend he had at his new school. “Everything alright?” he questioned, hoping Joe had another explanation for his behaviour.

Joe flinched slightly, but Patrick still saw it. God, he really hoped Joe didn’t turn out to be a bad person, but it was starting to look that way. “Of course everything’s alright!”

“Look, dude, if you have a problem with me just say it,” Patrick said, getting defensive. He had every right to - he’d just told Joe something that he hadn’t told anyone else (except Dal), and now Joe was acting all weird towards him.

“I don’t have a problem with you Patrick, I swear,” Joe exclaimed. “I just- I don’t know. Maybe I’m just lonely, and you’ve got this person trying to get with you, and you aren’t even interested, and part of me thinks it’s unfair. I don’t know.”

Oh. Not disgust, then. Joe was just jealous. That made a lot of sense, now that Patrick had entertained the possibility.

“Hey, you’ll find someone one day,” Patrick said. He wrapped an arm around Joe’s waist and hugged him, which was difficult since they were still walking.

Joe sighed. “Yeah, I hope so.”

They arrived at the club and made their way to the front of the stage. They were later than Patrick was for the last show, but it was still quiet in the room.

It wasn’t long before Arma Angelus came on, and Patrick lost himself in the music. It was the same setlist as the other week, so Patrick yelled along to the choruses he could remember.

Every time he looked at Joe, though, the other boy didn’t seem to be enjoying it. He was jumping and headbanging like everyone else, sure, but he still looked upset.

They found Pete after the show. Patrick was still bouncing slightly, riding the adrenaline rush, but Joe was back to being subdued.

“Hey, you came! Did you enjoy it?” Pete yelled when he saw them. He was grinning - he’d performed well that night.

“Of course I enjoyed it!” Patrick said, going over and hugging Pete.

“Yeah man, you guys are great,” Joe agreed from somewhere behind Patrick.

“Really? Because you don’t look like you enjoyed it. But come over and hug me anyway!” Pete said. Patrick really did not understand how Pete’s thought processes worked.

“I enjoyed it. I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now,” Joe said as he walked over, joining the group hug.

Patrick fell asleep that night wondering what Joe had meant by that.


	4. only golden-plated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick gets various messages from various people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a while life got sucky but hey it's done now! also i love joe trohman
> 
> the soul-punk tumblr now comes with a functioning askbox woooops
> 
> chapter title from 'golden' by fall out boy
> 
> re: tags - the kids once again talk about smoking the weed

Patrick was so unprepared for his first-period geometry test on Monday morning that he had literally forgotten about it until Joe mentioned it in homeroom. He knew he could probably fluke it, but he liked having more than half an hour of warning.

He got to the class and looked down at the test paper in dread. At least if it was too bad, he could fake an asthma attack or something.

He opened the test and started to answer the questions. The first few were easy, and that gave him the confidence to answer the later questions too. He worked slower than usual since he hadn’t looked at the formulas for a while, but he still finished in time.

He could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket throughout the test, and he checked it on his way to his next lesson, seeing that the group chat had over 100 new messages.

 **soul-punk:** do any of you pay attention in school ever

 **vices-virtues:** i cant pay attention in school anymore they banned fidget cubes so now i’m smoking more weed than usual to keep the anxiety and adhd at bay

 **youngveins:** so basically you’re too high to learn? because honestly same

 **spookyjim:** my school banned the spinners but not the cubes thank god

“Patrick?” He looked up as he heard someone call his name, realising that he’d made it to his English class on autopilot and the teacher was taking the register.

“Yes, sir,” he responded. Everyone was staring at him, which meant his name had probably been called more than once.

He felt his face heat up and glanced back at his phone as the teacher moved on.

 **xvx:** i cant believe you guys smoke weed at school like i cannot even

 **deathspells:** andy is our required Straight Edge™ vegan friend

 **xvx:** you’re vegan too??

 **deathspells:** my parents are veggie and im lactose intolerant. the vegan life chose me.

 **deathspells:** patrick my dude has ur admirer left any more notes yet

 **soul-punk:** idk i havent been to my locker yet

 **youngveins:** whaaaaat why not

 **soul-punk:** because i didnt need to go to my locker?

 **youngveins:** patrick… go and check you idiot

Patrick sighed internally. He didn’t understand why everyone was making such a big deal about that note. Patrick knew it was him that started it, but it was getting old now. Sure, he’d like another note, but that was because he enjoyed compliments, not because he was interested in the person leaving them.

 **vices-virtues:** well he cant go now can he we’re all in class

 **youngveins:** look brendon i know what i mean

 **brobecks:** you guys make such bad life decisions

 **brobecks:** except andy, andy is great

 **vices-virtues:** look dal not all of us love being mormon

Patrick almost laughed, only stopping himself when he remembered he was in class. He could almost feel the schemas in his brain adjusting because he never imagined that someone like Brendon would be a Mormon, whether it was by choice or not.

 **spookyjim:** ooh ur mormon? man i’ve always been interesting in other peoples interpretations of the bible ngl

 **blurryface:** did someone say the bible

 **blurryface:** jk i’m not THAT religious

The bell rang for the end of the lesson, which Patrick figured was probably a good thing since he wasn’t religious at all. He’d probably lose track of the conversation very quickly.

Patrick did actually have to go to his locker before Biology, so at least he’d have something to tell the group chat.

He opened his locker, watching for any loose paper. There was a yellow post-it note on the bottom, and Patrick picked it up and put it in his pocket before switching his textbooks over.

He made it to Biology in record time so that he could read the note and text his friends before he got dragged into any practical work. His hands were shaking as he unfolded it.

_When you smile, it makes my day so much better._

**soul-punk:** got another one

 **jetstar:** same writing?

 **deathspells:** ray why are you so obsessed with handwriting

 **jetstar:** ~aesthetic~

 **soul-punk:** no offense to this person but their handwriting is not aesthetically pleasing

 **soul-punk:** but it is the same

Patrick saw everyone getting out of their seats and realised that he’d missed his teacher’s brief explanation of the practical. Oh well. He’d figure it out.

He tried to follow the instructions, but he was distracted. He kept saying that he wasn’t interested in his admirer, but he couldn’t help but be curious. He was thinking about it so much that he almost cut himself with a scalpel.

Eventually, he just decided to look busy and then copy someone else’s results after school. He’d rather copy his work than cut a finger off.

He daydreamed through Spanish until lunch as well. He had no idea what they’d even covered that day, but he’s passing Spanish using Duolingo as it is so he isn’t that bothered.

He found Joe in the corner of the band room. He pulled the new note out of his pocket to show the other boy. “Got another one!”

Joe looked up. “I know, dude. I’m in the group chat.”

Patrick shrugged. “Wasn’t sure if you saw it or not. Wanna read it?”

“Not really,” Joe said. Patrick didn’t question it; he knew Joe had problems with the whole situation. He probably would too, if it was the other way around.

Silence settled over them as they ate their lunches. It was quiet in the band room for once, since the teacher was off sick so there weren’t any rehearsals.

“Hey, Patrick,” Joe said after all the food was gone. “What’s brown and sticky?”

Patrick looked at his friend in confusion. Where had that question come from? “Uh, I don’t know-”

“A stick.”

Patrick looked at Joe in astonishment. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Joe was telling a joke, which probably said a lot about his social life.

After a second though he burst into laughter. The joke was so bad that it was almost _good._ Patrick’s laughter set Joe off too, and soon they were both near tears.

“What the hell, Joe?” Patrick asked once he was calm enough to speak again. He laid a hand on the pocket of his backpack that had his inhaler in it, just in case.

“I don’t know, dude, you just looked like you needed a good laugh!” Joe responded, curly hair covering his face.

“Oh man, my eyes are probably all red. My psychology class is gonna be so concerned,” Patrick said, wiping his eyes.

Joe got his phone out and checked the time. “We’ve got… 10 minutes to look like our usual selves again, don’t worry.”

“I’m glad you’re my friend, Joe,” Patrick said honestly, nudging Joe’s leg with his foot.

Joe tucked his hair behind his ear and smiled at Patrick. “I’m glad you’re my friend too.”

\-----

Patrick had no idea what to do with the notes. The first one was on his desk somewhere, and he rummaged around to find it so that he could keep them together.

He looked around his room, hoping for some inspiration. Most of his walls were covered in band posters, although there was a corkboard above his bed.

It was mostly empty - there was a photo of him and his mother, and another of him and Elisa, but that was it. He figured that he could pin the notes there.

Maybe he could print off the pictures he took with Pete and Joe and add them to the board too. That’d be cool.

His mother walked in later, when he was doing his homework, and noticed the new addition straight away. “Hey honey, what are these?” she asked, pointing at the notes.

Patrick looked up from his work. “Oh, just some notes someone left in my locker. No big deal.”

His mother walked closer to the notes so that she could read them. “They sound like a big deal, Patrick.”

“So someone has a crush on me, whatever,” Patrick said, going back to his homework. It was some Spanish exercise, conjugating irregular verbs. It was pretty boring.

“Isn’t that a good thing? You’ve been alone since Elisa left, honey. Maybe it’s time you moved on,” she said. Patrick could hear his bed creak as she sat down on it.

“I did move on, mum. I’m just not interested. I don’t wanna date someone I’m not friends with, and since Joe’s my only friend at school, it seems pretty unlikely that they were left by someone I’ll like.”

“If you aren’t interested, then why are you keeping them?”

Patrick stopped working, thinking instead about his mother’s question. Honestly, he had no idea why he’d kept them. “I don’t know. Maybe I like knowing that people think good things about me or something.”

“Alright, honey,” his mother said. He could tell that she didn’t quite believe him, but he didn’t know what else to say to her. The notes were boosting his self-esteem, he wasn’t gonna just throw them away.

 **xvx:** could the ace/aro discourse please just Not

 **soul-punk:** me all day every day

 **xvx:** could tumblr just like let me be a loveless gay in peace please

 **fallout-boy:** paaaaatrick

 **soul-punk:** joooooe

 **fallout-boy:** send me the math homework?

 **soul-punk:** [picture attached]

 **willubminor:** stop! this is a School Free Zone!

 **xvx:** thanks for interrupting my Sad™ talk guys

 **fallout-boy:** ur welcome andy

 **willubminor:** seriously though i know we spend all our time on tumblr but it is such a bad site

 **xvx:** yes thank you kenny i have been saying that for months

 **hesitantalien:** say what you will i’m still gonna post all my art on that site

 **electric-century:** ur comics are too great for tumblr

 **hesitantalien:** you have to say that we’re related

Patrick realised that he hadn’t actually read any of Gee’s comics, he’d just saved them somewhere for later. He switched to Tumblr to read them now, while he remembered it.

They were pretty good. Very bright and colourful, which Patrick liked.

 **soul-punk:** i am also a fan of the comics

 **jetstar:** did someone mention gee’s comics because i love

Patrick went back to Tumblr and scrolled through his dash aimlessly. He didn’t understand most of the posts, which meant that he probably needed to unfollow some blogs.

 **reinvent-love:** spencer come stargaze on my roof with me

 **celluloidheroes:** on my way

 **decaydance:** why are you on your roof??

 **reinvent-love:** quieter than the rest of my house

Patrick closed the Messenger chat bubble, even though it would probably reappear in a second anyway.

Pete had posted a short clip of a new song, and Patrick listened to it (once Tumblr remembered how audio posts worked). It sounded good, and he couldn’t wait to hear it live, so he reblogged it. He liked supporting his friends, even if he only had a small audience.

Patrick had always thought about starting his own band, but he wasn’t friends with any other musicians before he met Joe and Pete. The drum parts in Arma Angelus’ songs were excellent though. Maybe he’d learn those, just in case their drummer quit.

 **vices-virtues:** wait are you two in summerlin

 **celluloidheroes:** uh yeah why

 **vices-virtues:** i think i just drove past ryans house

 **reinvent-love:** thats cool but please do not come to my house ever

 **willubminor:** its rad that so many of you live close together

 **deathspells:** ha kenny said rad i’m influential

Patrick’s phone was buzzing with notifications from Pete’s asks. It was evident he was going through his inbox, giving advice to people and responding to compliments from others.

Patrick felt a bit jealous - he hardly ever received asks, and even then he only got them when he’d reblogged an ask game. He didn’t know how Pete had gotten so popular, but he wanted to find out.

He went to his inbox to check for asks anyway because Tumblr didn’t always function correctly and tell him about them. The app must be psychic or something because there was a small ‘2’ next to it.

_fallout-boy asked: check ur facebook ohmygod i am so bad at school_

Patrick laughed and sent Joe the laugh-crying emoji on Messenger before replying.

 _soul-punk answered: joe i’m not gonna do your homework for the entire year jfc_ _(jk i sent it earlier)_

He went back to respond to the second ask but got distracted by a notification saying he’d been mentioned in a post. One of his mutuals, who he’d lovingly nicknamed ‘The Gerry Mutual’, had tagged him in an edit for an Irish band they both liked.

He reblogged it, adding the song and band names to the description since he knew the band wasn’t popular on Tumblr, and then went back to his ask box.

_Anonymous asked: you don’t belong in that group chat. pete just feels sorry for you because you have no other friends._

Patrick stared at the message in shock. He’d never gotten any hate before; he didn’t think he was a big enough blog to even receive hate.

The funny thing was that this person, this stranger, had somehow managed to figure out one of his greatest insecurities, and he had no idea how. He was pretty sure he’d only mentioned being asexual, like, twice on his blog.

_[Private Message to Pete Wentz]_

**Patrick:** we’re friends, right?? you actually like me??

 **Pete:** of course patrick wth why would you think i didnt

 **Patrick:** dunno just something someone said

Patrick looked back at the anonymous ask. He still didn’t know what to say. If someone didn’t like him, this probably wouldn’t be the last message he received.

He clicked post, leaving the response area blank.

 


	5. hell's hot for good reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick is Sad™, Josh is happy, and I am a little bit mean to Joe Trohman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i actually sat down the other day and planned this thing so hopefully it'll start updating faster lmao
> 
> tumblr users can now hmu on @teenbren as well as @stray-dog-sick and @soul-punk
> 
> chapter title from 'the judge' by twenty one pilots
> 
> re: the tags - couple mentions of the kids doing the weed, as per usual

**fallout-boy:** patrick answer your damn phone smh

 **soul-punk:** no

 **soul-punk:** don’t wanna talk about it

 **decaydance:** oooh what did you two fight about

 **fallout-boy:** we didn’t fight, check patrick’s tumblr

 **decaydance:** what the heck

 **deathspells:** lmao did you actually just say what the heck

 **decaydance:** frank could you be sensible for like two minutes

 **decaydance:** is this why you asked me if we were friends?

 **soul-punk:**...yeah

 **deathspells:** wtf i’m gonna fight someone

 **jetstar:** no, frank.

Patrick smiled down at this phone and wiped a few tears from his cheeks. The teen had been crying since he got the message, which was actually why he wasn’t answering his phone, but his friends were kind of funny and he couldn’t help but smile at their antics.

There was a soft knock at his door, which made Patrick look up from his phone. “Yeah?” Patrick called, and the door opened, his mother walking into the room.

Her face fell as soon as she saw him, and Patrick realised it was probably obvious he’d been crying. “Oh honey, what happened?” she asked. She moved to go over to him but stopped when Patrick began to tense up.

“Nothing, mum. I just had a moment,” he said. He felt bad about it; Patrick never kept things from his mother, not intentionally, but he didn’t want her to freak out and make him delete his Tumblr or anything. He did actually enjoy scrolling through the site most of the time.

“Alright, but remember you can always talk to me, okay?” she said, and Patrick nodded, glad she was letting it go. She probably knew he was lying, but Patrick always told her what was wrong eventually, so maybe she wasn’t too bothered by it.

He turned back to his phone as soon as the door was closed behind her, seeing more messages in the group chat.

 **spookyjim:** we all love you, patrick! don’t let one idiot get you down

 **deathspells:** yeah some people have nothing better to do than be mean. those people suck and i will fight them

 **fallout-boy:** okay but doesnt that make you mean?

 **deathspells:** probably but i am at least honest about my intentions, not hiding behind anon

 **soul-punk:** i appreciate the thought but like try not to get arrested frank

 **fallout-boy:** do you want me to come over?

 **fallout-boy:** i don’t even know where you live but i’ll be there

 **soul-punk:** no it’s fine thanks though

Honestly, the reason Patrick didn’t want Joe there was because he didn’t want to be seen by his only friend while he looked like such a mess. It was a poor excuse, and he knew it - friends shouldn’t care if your eyes are a bit red and puffy, or if there were tear tracks on your face - and he had no idea why he felt this way either. Since when did he care what he looked like around Joe?

 **reinvent-love:** fun fact people suck

 **jetstar:** thank you for your input ryan

 **reinvent-love:** you’re welcome

 **spookyjim:** you guys are all so cynical

 **willubminor:** it should be a sin to be so cynical at such an age

 **reinvent-love:** i do what i want

 **deathspells:** ryan and i are rebels 4 lyfe

 **decaydance:** frank i s2g i’m gonna mute you

Patrick looked at the clock on his phone and realised that it was a lot later than he thought and decided he should probably go to sleep. He had to go to school the next day, emotional turmoil or not. He’d rather cry himself to sleep if necessary than mess up his sleep schedule for a week. He didn’t want to start falling asleep in lessons.

He reached over to his bedside table and turned his lamp off, plunging the room into darkness except for the blue light from his phone screen.

 **soul-punk:** gonna head to sleep now crying is exhausting

 **decaydance:** :(((

 **fallout-boy:** sleep well, see you tomorrow!

He leant over the side of his bed to find his charger and plugged his phone in, setting it on the bedside table to charge overnight. He didn’t want to make the next day even worse by having an uncharged phone.

He closed his eyes in an attempt at sleep, but now that he had nothing to distract himself with, the insecurities and doubts began to creep back in. He pulled the duvet closer around him, hoping that would provide him with some kind of protection. It didn’t work, obviously.

He appreciated everyone else in the group chat trying to cheer him up, and it was an acceptable temporary fix, but a few kind words wouldn’t make all of Patrick’s problems go away. He felt better knowing those notes were just above his head though. There was at least one person in this world who had something nice to say about him.

\-----

Patrick went to his locker as soon as he arrived at school the next day. He was later than usual, the corridors beginning to fill up, but he still had plenty of time before homeroom. The crowds made him slightly uncomfortable, but Patrick knew he’d dealt with worse between classes before, so he ignored the slight anxiety he was feeling.

There was another post-it note sitting on the bottom of his locker when he opened the door. It hadn’t been there when he left yesterday, so his admirer must’ve already arrived. Another early bird.

That ruled out some people. Including most of the jocks, thankfully.

He picked it up along with his books and walked to homeroom. Joe was already there. Patrick held the note up to show him as he sat down next to the other boy and unfolded it.

_Your laugh is the best sound I’ve ever heard._

Patrick smiled. “Honestly, it amazes me how many compliments this person can come up with,” he said to Joe.

Joe’s brow furrowed. “Why does it surprise you? You’re awesome, Patrick,” he said. He looked concerned, which meant that what Patrick had said was probably more self-deprecating than it had sounded in his head.

He shrugged. “I don’t always feel it,” he admitted, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Is this about last night?” Joe asked, reaching over to rest a hand on Patrick’s arm. “You shouldn’t let just one person get you down, dude.”

“I know, I know,” Patrick sighed. “But somehow this person that doesn’t even know me managed to pick up on something I’m really insecure about. Of course, it’s bringing me down.”

Joe tilted his head to the side, looking confused. “You really think we just feel sorry for you or something? We all like you, just the same as we like Andy, and Dal. You belong in that chat, Patrick.”

“I know that really, but some people online just really, really suck.” Patrick moved his crossed arms onto the table and leant his head on them, turned to the side so that he could still see Joe. “Why do people suck, Joe?”

Joe smiled. “As a wise man once said - because they’re gay.”

Patrick laughed. “Frank Iero, offering words of wisdom in times of need. Somehow I’m not sure that’s the case, though.”

“Hey, if the president can give out false facts, then so can I,” Joe replied.

The conversation was interrupted by both teen’s phones buzzing, which probably meant someone had messaged the group chat. That was the only thing Patrick could think of unless Joe also had Pete on Tumblr notifications.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check it. He was right - a group chat message.

 **spookyjim:** fun fact! cows have best friends and they tend to spend most of their lives together

 **soul-punk:**???

 **spookyjim:** i figured now would be a good time to remind everyone of good things in the world

 **fallout-boy:** that’s sweet, thanks josh

 **spookyjim:** you’re welcome :)

The bell rang, signalling the end of homeroom, and Patrick and Joe made their way to geometry. Patrick was grateful for his friends, even if he doubted them at times, and he appreciated their constant attempts to cheer each other up.

They got the results back from yesterday’s test. Patrick was happy with his result; it was better than he expected considering how much revision he did for it (none). He also didn’t have many corrections to do, or at least he could tell where he’d gone wrong on most of the questions, which was always nice.

 **fallout-boy:** i’m not failing geometry!

 **soul-punk:** neither am i!

 **spookyjim:** yay good job guys

 **spookyjim:** fun fact! hundreds of trees exist because of squirrels forgetting where they put their nuts

 **xvx:** that’s awesome but like did those squirrels get enough to eat

 **spookyjim:** andy stop ruining my vibe

Patrick put his phone down so that he could complete the worksheet the teacher had given out. He knew his mother wouldn’t be impressed if his grades dropped because of the group chat. Plus he wanted to go to college, even if he wasn’t sure what to study yet, so he needed good grades.

They were allowed to work in pairs, so he helped Joe for the lesson since his old school hadn’t covered that part of the course yet. He didn’t mind though - Joe was a fast learner, and they were both able to work and talk at the same time, unlike some people he knew.

They walked together to English, Patrick knowing that this lesson would be the opposite of the last. He was terrible at English, whereas Joe had already studied the book they were reading. Patrick liked the mutual agreement they had, to help each other out. That was another thing he’d missed in the time where he had no friends at school.

 **spookyjim:** fun fact! otters hold hands when they sleep so that they don’t float away from each other

 **celluloidheroes:** fun fact! otters are my favourite animal i love them

 **reinvent-love:** it’s true i’ve bought him otter stuffed toys for three valentines days in a row

 **willubminor:** honestly the best friendships are the ones where you buy each other valentines day gifts

 **celluloidheroes:** fun fact! otters have a pocket where they carry their favourite rock

 **vices-virtues:** thats so cute why don’t we have favourite rocks

 **youngveins:** i am too high for this omg time to go find a rock

 **hesitantalien:** how are you guys so happy all the time??

 **blurryface:** i’d say weed but josh doesn’t smoke weed so if you find out let me know

 **soul-punk:** joe don’t start trying to get me to do weed to make me happy because i will probably die

 **fallout-boy:** damn that’s all my plans out the window

 **hesitantalien:** mikey you aren’t allowed to do weed either

 **electric-century:** this is bullying

 **brobecks:** none of you should be doing weed we’re like 16

Patrick heard the teacher clear her throat, and looked up to find everyone staring at him. He put his phone away but still couldn’t focus on the lesson. Oh well. He’d get the notes from Joe at lunch.

\-----

The rest of the day passed in the same way, with Josh sending them cute facts and Patrick being completely distracted by them. Which he guessed was the point, because if he was thinking about otters or whatever he couldn’t be sad. In theory, at least.

Joe was waiting for Patrick outside of his Spanish classroom, and they walked together to the GSA, only a few classrooms down the corridor. Patrick was less nervous this week than he was before since he knew that everyone there was nice but still wasn’t ready to share his entire life story like he’d seen some of the others do.

They grabbed a couple of chairs and pulled them into the circle, opposite the teacher running the group. It was still relatively quiet at this point, but by the time extracurricular activities were supposed to begin the room was full again.

“Alright, guys!” the teacher said. Patrick was beginning to think that that was the man’s catchphrase or something. “How has the week been for everyone?”

Patrick listened half-heartedly to the conversation, only speaking up to offer to help someone with their geometry homework the next lunch since. He may have only said that because he had already agreed to help Joe, but whatever.

Eventually, it was Joe’s turn. “Well, Patrick and I went to a gig for our friend’s band, and they were excellent. I need to ask when they’re playing again.” He was smiling, which made Patrick a little confused since Joe hadn’t appeared to enjoy it at the time. He nodded in agreement though, making a mental note to message Pete later.

“What band?” someone else in the group asked.

“Arma Angelus. They’re a hardcore band, we’re friends with the lead singer,” Joe explained. “Well, can you call him a singer?”

Patrick shrugged. He wasn’t sure you could class what Pete did as ‘singing’, but he also didn’t know another word for it. “Screamer, maybe? I don’t know.” The room was quiet for a few seconds, which Patrick took as his cue to start speaking. “So uh, yeah, Joe and I went to a gig. Other than that, not a lot happened, I guess.”

He could see Joe glaring at him out the corner of his eye, but he didn’t want to mention the notes or that anon to this group of people that barely knew him. Well, he barely knew the people in the group chat, but he also didn’t have to see them every day (except Joe, of course).

He motioned to the girl next to him, who started talking about her week. Joe nudged him, but Patrick ignored him since he was a considerate person and didn’t like to whisper while others were talking.

This meant that he wasn’t looking at Joe, though, so he wasn’t expecting it when Joe pulled him sideways into a hug. He squealed slightly, and the people closest to him turned to look. He could feel his cheeks heating up out of embarrassment.

He decided to roll with it though, and leant his head on Joe’s shoulder. The other boy tensed up for a second before relaxing again. It was kind of uncomfortable because there was a small gap between their chairs, so Patrick was now sitting at a strange angle, but he didn’t care. Joe’s shoulder was pretty comfortable.

They finished sharing before the meeting was due to end, so they began to talk about things they could do as a group outside of school. Patrick told them that when he knew about new Arma Angelus shows, he’d let them know, and they also all agreed to get together and go shopping at the weekend.

Patrick continued to lean on Joe as they got up to leave, so Joe wrapped an arm around his shoulders as they walked. They got stopped by someone else in the group a few feet down the corridor, though. “Hey, I didn’t realise you two were dating!” she said, grinning at them.

Joe and Patrick looked at each other and then back at her. “Uh, we aren’t dating, we’re just best friends,” Patrick said truthfully. He moved away from Joe slightly, but the other teen pulled him back.

“Yeah, we’re friends. Patrick had a rough week though, so lots of hugs necessary,” Joe added, and Patrick knew he was smiling even if he couldn’t see it. The girl seemed to accept this, as she just nodded and walked away, so they continued their walk to the front entrance.

Patrick’s mother was already there, so he said goodbye to Joe before getting in the car. He kept watching Joe for as long as he could, though, and Patrick was fairly sure that the devastation on Joe’s face as he pulled away wasn't made up.

He had no idea why Joe was sad, but he made a promise to himself on the short car journey home - he’d make sure he never saw Joe that upset again.


	6. all caught in stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jon is here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: yeah this'll update faster now it's planned out  
> fic: nah mate
> 
> also i misspelled 'hesitant' as 'hesistant' three times in this chapter thank you elia for pointing that one out
> 
> chapter title from 'maybe i will, maybe i won't' by the young veins

Patrick arrived at school on Wednesday with something to do, for the first time in forever. He wasn’t the kind of person who had meetings before homeroom, but he’d gotten a message from Pete overnight about another Arma Angelus show. It was before the next GSA meeting, and the only way Patrick had to contact the rest of the group was to get the teacher running it to email them all, so now Patrick was wandering around looking for the languages office.

Unsurprisingly, it was about halfway down the corridor with all the language classrooms on it. The teacher he needed was in there, so he knocked and then entered when the teacher waved him in.

“Hey, Patrick!” the teacher said with a smile. Patrick had no idea how anyone could be that happy so early in the morning. “What can I do for you?”

Patrick kept a hand on the door rather than stepping further into the room. He felt uncomfortable being in a space meant for teachers. “Uh, I got a message from my friend last night, his band is playing on Friday. If I give you the information could you email everyone in the group? I don’t actually know most of them.”

The teacher nodded. “Of course I can!” Patrick handed him the piece of paper with times and the venue address on it, which he took and put in his planner. “Thanks, Patrick. Anything else?”

Patrick shook his head. “Nope, that’s it. See you Tuesday.”

He left the office after the teacher said goodbye and headed to homeroom, finding Joe having a power nap at his desk. He shook his friend awake since the bell was about to go, and Joe groaned, squinting at Patrick through his long hair. “You have literally no idea how little I want to be here, dude.”

Patrick laughed. “Nah, I get you. Just don’t want you to get into trouble for napping through school.”

Their homeroom teacher entered the classroom, and Patrick sat down in his own seat next to Joe. He got his phone out once the register had been taken since someone had inevitably sent a message to the group chat.

 **youngveins:** heeeey peter

 **decaydance:** wot

 **youngveins:** my parents finally agreed to let me leave the city lmao wheres ur show on friday

 **decaydance:** ah that’s awesome i’ll pm you the details

 **fallout-boy:** yo but speaking of friday we’re hanging out with our gsa on saturday except we have no friends so you two should totally sleep over and come with us

 **soul-punk:** oooh yeah that’s a great idea my mum would totally let us sleep in the living room

 **soul-punk:** some of them are gonna come to the show too btw

 **decaydance:** they’d be okay with us crashing the party?

 **fallout-boy:** they better be. if not just say its a coincidence, since its a shopping trip. friends all heading to the same place

 **soul-punk:** its not like we’re bringing along homophobes or anything is it

 **youngveins:** tru tru

Patrick closed Messenger so that he could text his mother about it while he remembered. He’d made that mistake before, and she had not been impressed when some friends had shown up on their doorstep out of the blue.

She said it was okay for his friends to sleep over as long as they weren’t too loud and could also get home the next day. Patrick sent this information to the group chat and then put his phone away in his bag. He really needed to start paying attention in classes again before it became a problem.

\-----

The rest of the week went by quickly until it was Friday night and Patrick was in the car on the way to picking up Joe. He was excited about the show since it would be the first time he met Jon and they were also meeting up with some people in the GSA outside the venue.

Joe seemed to be buzzing too. “Hey, Patrick! Hey, Mrs Stumph!” he greeted as he got in the car. His hair was tied back, which was the first time Patrick had seen it like that, but it was also wet, so he assumed Joe had taken a last-minute shower and didn’t want water dripping down his back. It looked good, and also made him look like less of a stoner.

The drive over to Wilmette passed quickly, as did the walk to the venue. Patrick walked in silence, not wanting to ruin the night like he’d done before the last show. Joe was humming next to him, but Patrick didn’t recognise the song so he couldn’t join in, although he did tap a beat against his legs as he walked.

He could see a small group of people outside the venue as they approached. He recognised them from the GSA, and the girl who’d stopped them after the meeting on Tuesday spotted him and waved. He waved back and walked over to them.

“Hey, guys!” he greeted, attracting the attention of those that hadn’t seen him yet. “Joe and I are waiting for one more friend, but the rest of you can go in if you want.”

A lot of people in the group nodded, and soon it was just Patrick and Joe outside again. He hoped Jon hadn’t stood them up (if it could be called that in a non-date situation) because it was cold outside and he didn’t want to miss the start of the show.

“Hey, are you Patrick and Joe?” Patrick heard a voice behind him and jumped. He spun around to face the speaker, relaxing again when he recognised Jon’s face. Suddenly he was happy Pete had created a group chat on a site where they had their faces as their profile pictures because otherwise he probably would’ve punched Jon in the face.

“Yeah, that’s us!” he replied finally. “Great to meet you, you wanna go inside?”

Jon nodded, and the three of them entered the venue. There were only a couple of people there besides the GSA, so Patrick was still able to push his way to the front. A couple of people complained, but he just reminded them that he was really short and they’d still be able to see over his head. He had no idea where Joe and Jon were, but he trusted them to be able to look after themselves.

The show passed in a blur, and Patrick hung around afterwards to wait for Pete. A few members of the GSA stayed too since their lifts hadn’t arrived yet, and he asked them quickly if it was okay for Pete and Jon to join the shopping trip the next day. They said yes, so he assumed it would be alright with the rest of the group too.

“Pattycakes!” he heard someone yell, and then almost fell over as Pete jumped on his back. He managed to get his hands on Pete’s legs and pull him up before they could end up on the floor.

“Pete, if you ever call me that again I will kill you,” Patrick threatened, only half joking. He saw Joe and Jon walk over to them, both of them laughing. He was glad that they were getting on in-person as well as online because the night would’ve been awkward if they hadn’t.

“The awesome Chicago foursome is in business!” Pete exclaimed. Jon threw his hands up with an excited look on his face, causing Joe to start laughing again.

Patrick heard his phone start ringing, and recognised the ringtone as the one he set for his mother. He couldn’t get his phone out though because he was still carrying Pete. “Urgh, Joe, can you answer that and tell my mum we’re on our way?” he asked.

Joe nodded, and Patrick bounced Pete up his back so that he could reach the pocket. “Hey, Mrs Stumph! We’re on our way!” Joe said into the phone. Patrick couldn’t hear what his mother was saying, but Joe was nodding so he assumed it was good. “Alright, we’ll be there in about 20 minutes, see you soon!”

Joe put Patrick’s phone back in his pocket. “She’s waiting in the usual place, and she’s set up the lounge for us too. Your mum is the best.”

Patrick nodded in agreement. “Yeah, she is. Also, Pete, I am about to drop you, I am not carrying you the whole way to the car.”

Patrick felt Pete tighten his grip on his shoulders, so he let go of the other boy’s legs. There were no sounds of pain, so he assumed Pete had landed on his feet. He started walking towards the exit of the club, looking over his shoulder to make sure the others were following him.

They joked around on the way back to the car, with Pete still trying to jump on people’s backs. Patrick guessed he was still running on adrenaline from performing, and that he’d crash once they got back home. He knew he’d be sleeping well tonight, as long as the others weren’t awake talking.

They turned a corner and Patrick spotted his mother’s car parked at the side of the road, and he waved at her. His friends followed him over to the car, and he sat in the front seat while the others organised themselves in the back seat. Pete ended up in the middle since he was the smallest, which was probably a good thing because Pete seemed like the kind of person who’d try and jump out a moving vehicle while on an adrenaline high.

“Hey, honey!” his mother said. “I’ve got you kids some pizza at home, by the way. I forgot to mention that on the phone.”

Joe cheered quietly from the backseat, which made Patrick laugh. “Thanks. Joe answered the phone because I was giving Pete a piggyback.”

“Which one’s Pete?” his mother asked, and Patrick felt ashamed for a second when he realised he hadn’t introduced his friends. She’d raised him better than that.

“Pete is the short one in the middle,” he said, and Pete waved from his seat. “And then Jon with the beard.”

“Yeah, I grew this thing myself,” Jon joked, stroking his beard. Patrick found it funny because he was the same age as Jon but Jon looked so much older due to the facial hair.

As expected, Pete napped in the car on the way back to Patrick’s house, and so they sat in silence except for the radio, so they didn’t disturb him.

The drive passed really quickly, which meant Patrick had probably fallen asleep for awhile too. He could hear Joe trying to wake Pete up as they turned into Patrick’s driveway, and he rubbed his eyes to wake himself up.

Patrick felt his phone vibrate as it connected to the Wifi. He’d probably missed a lot of group chat notifications while they were out.

The boys stumbled into the house, the smell of pizza giving all of them - but especially Pete - energy to get to the living room.

Once they were settled on the sofa, all three guests passed their phones to Patrick. He rolled his eyes and typed in the Wifi password before checking his own phone.

He had a few notes on various Tumblr posts, as well as over 100 messages from the group chat. Well, he wouldn’t be reading those anytime soon.

“We need to take a selfie,” Pete said. Patrick looked up and leant over to smile at Pete’s camera. Jon was on Pete’s other side, and Joe knelt up to lean over Patrick.

He watched as Pete uploaded the selfie to Tumblr (which Patrick reblogged as soon as it was up) and to the group chat.

 **jetstar:** i am actually so jealous

 **jetstar:** @gee @mikey @frank i hate you all so much

 **deathspells:** that’s homophobic

 **jetstar:** you’re homophobic for not hanging out with me

 **electric-century:** gee literally only leaves their room for school and church so good luck with that

 **hesitantalien:** yeah mikey is the extrovert sibling

The conversation died for a minute, so Patrick switched apps and checked his Tumblr notifications. Most of them were likes on the group selfie, but he did have one anonymous ask sitting in his inbox. He clicked it reluctantly.

_Anonymous asked: roses r red violets r blue ur face needs to be smashed in maybe then ud look good_

_soul-punk answered: maybe you should go back to english class and learn how to rhyme_

He sighed internally. He’d been hoping that the last anon message was a one-off, but apparently not. At least he had a response for this one. It wasn’t even a well-written hate message. He scheduled the post for 24 hours later, though, not wanting to worry his friends while they were together.

Patrick was distracted by Joe waving a slice of pizza in front of his face. “Are you gonna eat or not, dude?”

Patrick looked at the pizza and screwed his nose up. He knew he should eat, but he didn’t really want to. “I’m not hungry,” he said, pushing Joe’s arm away.

Joe looked concerned for a second before shrugging, accepting Patrick’s answer. “More for us then, I guess.”

 **xvx:** how do i convince my parents to let me move to chicago?

 **willubminor:** relatable. my parents want to move to north carolina ??

 **blurryface:** my parents won’t even let me travel across the city to meet josh

 **spookyjim:** yea it’s the worst

 **jetstar:** false. the worst is being able to meet up BUT NO ONE ELSE WILL MAKE PLANS WITH YOU

 **vices-virtues:** okay i haven’t met spencer and ryan yet but you don’t see me complaining.

 **brobecks:** since when was brendon the voice of reason?

 **celluloidheroes:** its entirely ryans fault. he doesnt like new people.

 **reinvent-love:** gee thanks spencer

 **hesitantalien:** hullo i saw my name

 **hesitantalien:** wait no we’re good

“Patrick, honey, you kids need to go to bed.” He’d completely missed his mother walking downstairs, and her voice shocked him.

He nodded and got up to turn the light off. “Alright, mum. Good night!”

She turned to walk back upstairs as Patrick flicked the switch. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust, especially since he’d taken his glasses off already. He made his way over to the pile of blankets on the living room floor.

Pete was already snoring by the time Patrick was comfortable, clearly exhausted from the show. He didn’t mind, though; Pete was often in the group chat at 3 AM. He needed all the sleep he could get.

Patrick was almost asleep himself when he heard whispers from across the room.

“Hey, Jon?” he heard Joe say quietly, along with movement as someone - presumably Jon - rolled over.

“What’s up?” was the reply. Jon’s voice was thick with sleep, which was understandable.

“Don’t tell Patrick, okay?” Until then, Patrick had been considering letting the others know he was still awake, but now he remained still and silent, wanting to know what Joe was saying about him. “He doesn’t know. He doesn’t _want_ to know.”

Jon hummed. “Yeah, of course.” Patrick really wished he knew what they were talking about. What didn’t he want to know? “You’ve got yourself in a right mess, Trohman.”

Joe sighed. “Yeah, I know. He needs it, though.”

Everything was silent after that, the conversation over. Patrick decided he’d worry about it later since he did actually need sleep if he was gonna hang out with other people all day. He let Pete’s snoring lull him to sleep.

He’d deal with his problems when he wasn’t on the living room floor.


	7. permanent slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they go to the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~writers block~
> 
> just a heads up folks, i'm going away to peru for four weeks on saturday. that means this fic won't be updated again until early august. however, i'm taking a notebook and plan on writing quite a few chapters while i'm out there, so there should be multiple chapters uploaded at once when i'm back!
> 
> chapter title from 'this is gospel' by panic! at the disco.

When Patrick awoke in the morning, it took him a minute to remember what was happening. He panicked momentarily, not used to waking up somewhere other than his bedroom, before recognising his living room. He grabbed his glasses from where he’d left them the night before.

He felt better once he could see the mess around him. The four boys had spread out overnight, with blankets everywhere. Joe, Pete and Jon were all still asleep, and Patrick grabbed his phone to check the time. It was around 9 o’clock, which meant they’d have to wake up soon and get ready.

Patrick wandered into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. If the noise didn’t wake his friends up, then the smell probably would. Plus he needed caffeine if he was going to get through the day.

When it was done Patrick poured four mugs. He turned around and found Pete walking into the kitchen, looking vaguely like a zombie. When he saw Patrick, he reached out, and Patrick handed him a mug.

“You’re the greatest, and I love you,” Pete mumbled before drinking half the cup in one gulp. Patrick chuckled, picking up his own beverage. He sipped his far slower than Pete had, though.

Joe and Jon stumbled in shortly after, and Patrick’s mum came downstairs to find them all huddled around the dining room table, still half-asleep. Patrick didn’t really care, knowing this was a usual Saturday morning for them, and she just laughed and grabbed a mug of her own. “What’s the plan for today, boys?” she asked.

Patrick had to think for a second before answering. “We’re getting the bus into the centre of town, I think, meeting everyone in the entrance to the mall.”

“Oh, I can drive you down. Save your money for shopping!” Patrick's mother offered, and Patrick nodded gratefully. Public transport was expensive.

Patrick heard a sharp gasp from behind him and turned. Pete was standing with boiling coffee over his hand and down his front. “That’s not good,” the older boy mumbled, staring down at his hand in shock.

“Pete, you idiot,” Joe said, and Patrick could practically hear him rolling his eyes. He wasn’t surprised; he’d be doing the same thing if he wasn’t so concerned about Pete’s lack of reaction. Patrick put down his own mug and took Pete’s.

“Run your hand under the cold tap while I get you a change of clothes, okay? We’re the same height, my stuff should fit you,” Patrick instructed Pete. He could hear his mother speaking to Pete soothingly as he ran up the stairs to his bedroom.

He opened his wardrobe and rummaged around for some decent clothes. He knew he had some spare black jeans somewhere. If Pete was going to be wearing his clothes he at least wanted them to fit his friend’s aesthetic.  
  
He found some eventually, right at the back of his wardrobe. They were ripped, but he was sure Pete wouldn’t mind. He spotted a black band t-shirt as well, and the band wasn’t embarrassing, so he picked that up too before heading back downstairs.

“Here you go,” he said, handing the outfit to Pete. It hadn’t occurred to him when he was choosing the outfit that Pete was a lot slimmer than him, but the other teen was wearing a belt already, so it was okay.

Pete thanked him and went to the bathroom to get changed. Patrick’s mother hummed. “I suppose I better take you boys out before you have any more disasters.”

Patrick could hear Jon and Joe laughing, and he chuckled himself. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

\-----

Patrick forgot about Jon and Joe’s late night conversation until they were in the car on the way to the mall. The thought of it made him anxious; he knew they were talking about him, and his insecurities made him confident it was something negative. Years of failed friendships had made him believe that everyone secretly hated him anyway.

He didn’t want to bring it up though since it was evident he wasn’t supposed to hear the conversation. He turned to look at them in the back seat, though. Joe didn’t look uncomfortable - emotionally, at least. He was probably physically uncomfortable since Pete was leaning all over him - and Jon was his usual cheery self.

Joe still had his hair tied up, and Patrick made a mental note to tell him that it looked good. The wild curls were cute, but Joe could pull off the ponytail too. Patrick was almost jealous; his hair only looked good one way, and even then he had to wear a hat most of the time.

He could spot the other GSA members inside the mall as his mother pulled up outside. He waved to the few that had spotted him, and he and Joe quickly walked over to the group once they were out of the car. Pete and Jon trailed behind looking awkward, but soon some of the more extroverted group members had dragged them into the conversation.

They walked around the mall aimlessly for a few minutes, trying to figure out where to go. Pete suggested Hot Topic, so they went there first. Patrick needed some new T-shirts, so he didn’t complain.

They had some Green Day shirts, and Patrick picked up a couple of different ones. He already had plenty, but he really liked Green Day, and variety was good. He headed to the checkout at the same time as Pete, who was also holding a few shirts, presumably for screamo bands. “Your Hot Topic is bigger than my Hot Topic,” Pete said, with a grin.

Patrick laughed. “Yeah, our mall is surprisingly good considering how many people live here. We have a pretty good record store too.”

Pete’s eyes lit up. “Oh, we have to go! Patrick, we’ve gotta go to the record store!”

They finished paying and joined the group stood outside. It was only a few minutes before everyone was out of the shop. “Hey, can we go to The Vault?” Patrick asked, and there were nods of agreement from the group, so Patrick led them to the store near the back of the mall.

“Patrick, I’m unfriending you,” he heard Joe say. “I have been here for weeks, and you haven’t shown me this place. Apparently, you cannot be trusted.”

Patrick turned around and saw Joe and Pete stood in the doorway, looking around in awe. He knew how they felt since he’d felt it himself when the store opened. There were rows of shelving just filled with records, a mixture of genres and decades. It was an indie store as well, which Patrick always preferred.

He browsed for a while, trying to think of any bands that had been recommended by the group chat. Josh had suggested a band called House of Heroes and Patrick managed to find their self-titled album, so he bought that, along with a Blink-182 album he was still missing.

After paying he continued to walk around the store and laughed when he saw Joe carrying a pile of about ten different records. Patrick smiled and walked over to him. “Dude, I’ll take these, and you can keep picking them out, okay?”

Joe sighed in relief and handed the stack over. “Patrick, my saviour, whatever would I do without you?” He carried on flicking through a shelf, pulling out records to look at the cover every now and then. Patrick made comments whenever Joe picked up something he was familiar with, and by the time they reached the end of the pop-punk section, he was carrying at least 10 records. “These are just the ones I’m desperate for. I need a job, dude.” Joe said, and Patrick nodded in agreement.

They met up with Jon and Pete outside the store. Jon laughed at Joe, who was walking funny due to all the weight he was carrying. “Dude, what are you, a pack mule?”

“Look, Jon, this is all the lifting I do, okay? Gotta build up those arm muscles somehow,” Joe replied, shifting his grip on the bag handle. “Now can we go sit down for a while?”

The other members of the GSA wanted to keep shopping, so they agreed to split up for a while. Patrick, Joe, Pete and Jon made their way to Starbucks since they were pretty much only functioning because of coffee. And because they wanted the free wifi.

All four of them immediately checked the group chat once they had their drinks since they’d neglected to that morning. There were a lot of unread messages, as expected, but Patrick only scrolled up to the top of the current conversation.

 **celluloidheroes:** uhh brendon do you work at the tropical smoothies in summerlin

 **vices-virtues:** how do u know that are u stalking me

 **celluloidheroes:** no.. you walked out to the back as ry and i entered the store we saw you

 **reinvent-love:** break time?

 **vices-virtues:** no i’m finished. where are you??

 **celluloidheroes:** corner table under that weird painting u know the one

“Well, it’s about time,” Jon mumbled, and Patrick hummed in agreement. The trio in Las Vegas had come close to meeting a few times, and it looked like it was finally going to happen.

 **vices-virtues:** [picture attached]

 **vices-virtues:** hi they’re just as cute irl as they are in their profile pics

 **reinvent-love:** cute??

 **vices-virtues:** yes

 **soul-punk:** nice one!!

Pete kicked him under the table. “Smile for the camera, Stumph,” he said, and Patrick looked up to the phone Pete was holding in the air. He threw up a peace sign as a joke, which made Joe laugh.

“No gang signs,” Joe said, forcing Patrick’s arm down.

“Don’t you quote Iron Man at me,” Patrick responded. He shoved Joe away from him just as Pete took the picture, which resulted in the two of them grinning at each other, figures out-of-focus.

 **decaydance:** [picture attached]

 **decaydance:** sorry just a reminder

 **jetstar:** i’m not even mad anymore i’ve accepted my fate

 **fallout-boy:** patrick just pushed me off a chair the happiness is an illusion

 **fallout-boy:** he’s mean i hate him

 **youngveins:** sure jan

Patrick’s coffee almost went flying as Joe nudged his shoulder. “I don’t hate you, you know,” he said. “Stop looking at your phone like you’re expecting a call from the hospital.”

Patrick looked up in surprise, not having realised he’d seemed upset over Joe’s comment. Sure, he was feeling a little sad, but that was just because he was already worried. Patrick didn’t expect it to show on his face since it hadn’t yet that day. “Sorry for raining on your parade,” he joked, although he suspected it had fallen flat.

“No worries. You’re pretty swell, Trickster.”

 **decaydance:** joe just said swell omg andy come save me

 **xvx:** i live like 75 miles from you pete i’m not going that far i’ll have to pay tolls

 **willubminor:** okay but are the smoothies good?

 **reinvent-love:** yeah they’re great

 **brobecks:** i practically live on smoothies omg this is what happens when you arent allowed caffeine

Patrick got a notification for Tumblr, from someone tagging him in a video. He reached into the pocket of his jacket that held his ‘emergency headphones’ so that he could watch it but stopped when he felt paper against his fingers.

He was confused; it was a small chest pocket, so the headphones were the only thing in there and had been for months. He had no idea how it had ended up in there.

He pulled out the bright green slip of paper. Another Post-It note. “Huh, someone must’ve slipped this into my jacket at school,” he said to the rest of the table.

“Oh, let’s see!” Pete said with excitement, leaning over the table to look at the note. Patrick unfolded it quickly, also anxious to see what it said.

_You have an adorable nose._

“What kind of person compliments someone’s nose?” Jon asked with an eyebrow raised. Patrick shrugged. It was a weird compliment, but a welcome one nevertheless.

“I can see where they’re coming from, though,” Pete said. The rest of the group looked at him in confusion. “What? Patrick’s cute. Just stating the facts.”

“Uh, thanks?” Patrick responded. He didn’t think he was particularly attractive, and never really considered that people other than his ‘secret admirer’ thought the things on the notes.

 **celluloidheroes:** anyway back to us brendon is cute too

 **deathspells:** are you gonna try and tap that

 **reinvent-love:** no i called dibs

 **vices-virtues:**????

 **spookyjim:** why not both?

 **vices-virtues:** see that’s what i said! i will Convince them as soon as i’m awake enough for important conversations

“I hope they all get together,” Jon commented from across the table. “I think they’d be cute together.”

Patrick and Pete both hummed in agreement, but Joe suddenly stood up from the table. “I need to go to the bathroom,” he announced, walking off before anyone could reply.

“What’s his deal?” Pete asked, looking at the space Joe had disappeared from.

Patrick was concerned. This kind of behaviour wasn’t like Joe at all, and he had no idea what had caused it. He knew Joe was reading the group chat rather than checking text messages because he could see the screen, so it had to be something to do with Spencer, Ryan and Brendon.

“I’ll go make sure he’s okay,” Jon said, getting up too and leaving just Patrick and Pete at the table.

 **youngveins:** @chicago crew i found him dont worry

 **blurryface:** who did you find what’s going on

 **youngveins:** we got separated from joe but i found him its okay

 **decaydance:** is he alright

 **youngveins:** uhhh he’s sad but i think he’ll be alright we’ll be back soon

 **soul-punk:** that’s good tell him we were worried

Patrick let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Jon said that Joe was alright. He was still confused about the whole situation, but he could always ask Joe about it later.

 **vices-virtues:** spencer bought me ice cream cause i have no money ayyy

 **hesitantalien:** mikey buy me ice cream

 **electric-century:** absolutely not

 **youngveins:** alright we’re on our way back

Patrick put his phone away so that he was ready to go back to shopping once the others returned. He gathered up everyone’s stuff too since Joe had left his records behind when he left to go to the bathroom. Hopefully browsing random stores would distract Joe from whatever had made him upset. He hated knowing that his best friend was sad.


	8. stars collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick freaks out in a bathroom and Mikey is blind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peru story: i wrote the first draft for this on a 12 hour layover in lima airport. i hadn't slept in like 36 hours. it was wild.
> 
> chapter title from 'right there' by electric century
> 
> re: the tags: patrick has a panic attack. that's like the middle third of the chapter.  
> keep yourselves safe kiddos.

**deathspells:** today someone came up to me in a store when i was buying eyeliner and said ‘hi sir can i help u shop for ur girlfriend’ and like hooray for passing but screw ur gender stereotypes im a punk musician

 **blurryface:** i think thats the longest message anyones ever sent to this chat congrats frank

 **decaydance:** ur a what

 **deathspells:** a punk musician?

 **decaydance:** yooo me too what band

 **blurryface:** pete we literally all already know youre in a punk band

 **deathspells:** pencey prep at the moment lead vocals rhythm guitar

 **decaydance:** niceee ive heard of ur band good times

 **decaydance:** we should jam together if were ever in the same city

Patrick was paying more attention to Frank and Pete’s band conversation than his own marching band, which wasn’t a rare event at this point. He was startled into looking up by one of the trumpet players blowing a loud note right in front of his face.

Everyone in the band was staring at him, including the flautists who basically had to turn around and stand on their chairs to see the drummers. He slumped over his drum, trying to hide from view as much as possible. He hated being the centre of attention in a large group.

“Patrick, if you don’t start paying attention I can and will kick you out,” the band conductor said. She didn’t look impressed. She’d probably been trying to make him focus for a few minutes already.

“Sorry,” Patrick said sheepishly, putting his phone in his bag for the rest of the rehearsal. He loved marching band, he didn’t really want to lose his spot (and his lunch room). Plus he was embarrassed that he’d held up the rehearsal and annoyed the whole group, so he really didn’t want to cause more trouble.

They began their piece from the start, and Patrick was surprised to find that the band was actually sounding good for once. He supposed it was late enough in the year that everyone knew their parts, but nobody was sick to death of it yet. Patrick lost himself in the repetitive drum beats until the bell rang, marking the end of rehearsal.

He met up with Joe outside of the rehearsal room so that they could wait for their parents together like they always did when they stayed after school. Joe had stayed behind for catch-up revision classes since his last school was on mostly different curriculums.

“Patrick, never switch schools in the middle of the year,” Joe groaned, resting his head on the shorter boy’s shoulder. “So much work.”

The comment was muffled due to Joe practically talking into Patrick’s neck, but he still heard it, and he still laughed. “I’ll bear that in mind.” He got his phone out of his backpack so he could see if his mother had texted him (she hadn’t) but refrained from rechecking the group chat. If he did, he’d probably miss her car, and she’d drive off without him just to teach him a lesson.

Thinking about his friends had reminded him of the previous weekend, the events that he still had no answers for. “Hey, why did you run off on Saturday?”

Joe lifted his head up, looking down at his lap instead, where he was wringing his hands together. “I dunno, Over-emotional, I guess.”

Patrick was sceptical. “Is that it? Nothing bothering you? Because Jon said that you were crying in the bathroom.”

“Look, I’m all right, okay? It’s nothing to do with you,” Joe snapped, and Patrick backed down out of fear of confrontation. He really didn’t want to make his best - and only - friend mad at him.

“Okay. I just hope that one day you’ll tell me about whatever’s making you sad,” Patrick said.

Joe’s feet scraped back and forth along the asphalt as he thought of a response, but Patrick’s mother arrived before he had time to voice it.

\-----

 **decaydance:** my parents just heard me screaming in the shower lmao

 **deathspells:** #relatable

 **vices-virtues:** #relatable

 **vices-virtues:** yooo

 **deathspells:** i feel like people dont apprecate how hard it is to scream properly

 **decaydance:** tru dat

 **blurryface:** i can kinda scream?

 **brobecks:** an attempt is made occasionally

 **celluloidheroes:** okay hands up everyone who wants to hear dallon scream

 **reinvent-love:** kinky

 **celluloidheroes:** shut up you know what i meant

 **soul-punk:** cannot relate i have a soul voice

 **fallout-boy:** thats true thats a true fact

Patrick couldn’t remember when Joe had heard him sing. In the car, maybe? He sang along to the radio, so he’d probably heard Patrick on the way to one of Pete’s shows. It was the only explanation he could come up with. He could ask Joe when he saw him later, at lunchtime. If he remembered, at least; he seemed to be good at forgetting things he was supposed to ask Joe.

He was messing around on his phone during US History because his teacher was sick and no cover had shown up. He wasn’t that bothered; he had plenty of homework to do during this lesson. Not that he was doing it, of course, but it was there if a teacher from another class suddenly came in to see what was going on.

Instead, he was lurking in the group chat and scrolling through Tumblr, pretending to know about any of the things on his dashboard. Apparently, he’d become a little behind on his pop culture at some point. New bands were becoming popular, TV shows had returned from hiatus, movie trailers had been released. It happened every few months.

A blue circle appeared next to the activity icon at the bottom of the screen (because Tumblr loved useless updates where they just moved buttons around, Patrick hated the app), and he checked the feed to find he had a new anonymous ask. Just his luck.

He couldn’t read it in the classroom - that was a recipe for disaster - so he left. There wasn’t anyone to stop him, after all. He headed to the bathrooms in the English corridor since he’d figured out that those were the grossest and therefore least likely to be checked. Also because there were no bathrooms in the History corridor, and the only other close ones were the Religious Education/Geography bathrooms, and those were far too nice to use as a breakdown bathroom.

He locked himself in the stall furthest from the door before opening the message. He hoped no one else would come in because he’d rather not be found by some jock, but at least the stalls gave him some privacy if the worst happened.

     _Anonymous asked: ur music taste sux_

He looked at the ask in disbelief for a few seconds. It almost seemed tame in comparison to the other messages he’d received. Everyone’s music taste was different, after all.

_soul-punk answered: then why are you here?_

Patrick regretted the answer almost immediately after he posted it. What if he was too harsh? People would see his reply and think he was rude and send him more hate and -

“Hey, are you okay in there?”

There was a soft knock on the door of the bathroom stall, and Patrick froze completely until his brain processed who the speaker was. Joe. Of course, it was Joe. Patrick was thankful for that, at least. There was nobody else in the school he really wanted to see during a panic attack.

He reached forward and unlocked the door, letting his best friend into the small space. Joe immediately wrapped his arms around Patrick. “Hey, breathe for me, Patrick,” he whispered, mouth close to Patrick’s ear. “You’ve got to breathe slower.”

Joe looked around the room, or at least Patrick assumed that’s what he was doing from the way Joe’s head was moving. He was more focused on trying to steady his breathing and reduce the tightness in his chest than what Joe was doing. “Did you leave your backpack in your classroom?” Joe asked, sounding slightly frantic.

Patrick nodded, feeling the panic rise in his chest again. Somehow he’d managed to mess this up too, done something wrong, probably made Joe mad at him. Joe ran out of the bathroom with a quick “stay right here”, leaving Patrick alone with his thoughts once more.

He could see himself in the mirror opposite the stall, and it wasn’t a pleasing sight. His cheeks were red, his eyes were puffy, and his nose was running. He wondered briefly if his secret admirer would still like him if they saw him in this state.

Joe returned quickly, carrying something small and blue this time. He shoved the object at Patrick, saying “take this, it’ll help.”

Patrick fumbled for a second, realising he was holding his inhaler. Oh, that’d explain some of the tightness in his chest. He’d been so focused on the panic attack that he’d forgotten he has asthma. Years of practice helped him use it without actually thinking about it, which was good because his brain still wasn’t working right, and soon after he could feel his breathing return to normal. “Thank you,” he croaked, throat dry from crying.

“Hey, it’s no problem. I’m just glad I was here,” Joe replied. “What were you even doing in the English bathrooms? You’ve got History, right?”

“No teacher so I could leave freely, and these are quieter than the Geography ones. I got an ask on Tumblr and checked it here just in case. Good thing I did,” Patrick chuckled sadly. He didn’t know why he was laughing since it wasn’t funny at all. Maybe out of relief that his classmates hadn’t seen him like this.

Joe sighed and pulled Patrick into a hug. Joe was a good hugger, Patrick thought to himself, as he finally relaxed entirely. They stood there in silence, staring at graffiti on the walls until they were startled by the bell ringing. The world hadn’t stopped just because they had.

“I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” Joe said, finally letting Patrick go. “Hang in there, buddy.”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah, see you later.” He left the bathroom quickly so that he could go back and get his stuff from his classroom. He probably still looked like a mess, but it was okay. Joe made him feel like it was okay.

\-----

 **hesitantalien:** hey frank what did you say your band was called?

 **deathspells:** pencey prep why

 **hesitantalien:** youre the lead singer of pencey prep?

 **xvx:** gee out here with all the questions today

 **deathspells:** yeah why

 **hesitantalien:** lmao @Mikey Way

 **electric-century:** what do you want we’re in the same room

 **electric-century:** omg nope im out of here bye

 **deathspells:**???

 **hesitantalien:** mikey is a big fan he thinks youre really great

 **electric-century:** i had no idea omg this is so embarrassing

 **jetstar:** are you kidding this is hilarious also whens the next show

 **spookyjim:** how did you not recognise him from his profile picture?

 **electric-century:** he doesnt stay very still onstage okay i never get a good look

 **young-veins:** are we talking ‘really great’ as in music or

 **hesitantalien:** cba to find that eyes emoji but pretend im using it here

 **electric-century:** GEE NO

“All of our friends are train wrecks.”

Patrick looked up at the sound of Joe’s voice, breaking the silence they’d had in place for most of their lunch break. He was also looking at his phone, and Patrick knew he was stalking the group chat. “We’re train wrecks too, dude. That’s why we fit in.”

“Yeah, but come on, is Mikey blind? Didn’t even realise that the guy he had a thing for is Frank,” Joe said, sounding frustrated. The group chat did feel like some kind of soap opera sometimes.

Patrick shrugged. “Ask him,” he said. He was interested to find out how Mikey had missed something so obvious. He’d spent so much time staring at his friends’ profile pictures by now that he could probably recognise them from a mile away, and his eyesight wasn’t even good.

 **fallout-boy:** hey mikey are u blind

 **electric-century:** well actually fun fact my eyesight is almost bad enough for me to be classed as legally blind so ive got that excuse

 **hesitantalien:** yeah but you wear contact lenses to gigs sooo

 **decaydance:** putting siblings in this chat is one of the best accidental decisions ive ever made u guys crack me up

“Hey, I was right,” Joe said. He sounded happy, even though it had been a joke at first. Patrick was almost impressed.

“Yeah, good job.” Patrick looked at the clock on his phone and realised he only had a few minutes until the bell rang, lunch passing faster than it had any right to. He needed to leave early since he had questions about the homework to ask his next teacher before the lesson started. “I’m going to my locker. Talk to you later, yeah?”

Joe nodded, still following the group chat conversation, and so Patrick just got up and left the band room. He weaved his way through the crowds of people lining the corridors, his height making him practically invisible to the masses. At least it was easier now than it would be trying to fight through a moving flow of people, a reason why he didn’t mind being early to class sometimes. Especially on days like today, when his anxiety levels were still higher than usual.

He eventually reached his locker, having to ask a few people to move out the way. He was fairly sure they were freshmen, though, so luckily they were happy to do as he asked. He was about to open the door when he saw a slice of orange sticking out from the vents on the front. He pulled it out and unfolded the Post-It note right there since he had a minute or so to spare.

_Your taste in music is amazing._

The note wasn’t as neat as the others, and it took Patrick a moment to decipher it. Whoever wrote it had clearly been in a rush. It hadn’t been there when he went to his locker before his third period, which meant it was recent too. Probably left there during lunch.

The only logical conclusion Patrick could come to was that his admirer knew about his Tumblr. It made sense; it explained the relevance of the compliment to his day as well as the time it had been left.

So someone at school knew about his Tumblr. Someone other than Joe, since Patrick had been with Joe during the whole of lunch, so it couldn’t have been him.

Well, now he really hoped that the notes weren’t a joke.


	9. bushels of bad habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which bad things happen to Ryan Ross because apparently I'm incapable of not doing that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peru story: while i was writing this someone got their phone to connect to Radio 1 and honestly it was amazing. the music was awful because it was like 4AM in England but it wasn't Come On Eileen or Titanic so whatever
> 
> slightly shorter one because i was sick to death of it
> 
> chapter title from 'mad as rabbits' by panic! at the disco
> 
> re: the tags:  
> ryan gets pushed down the stairs and i will give you one guess who pushed him (hint his name is george)  
> patrick continues to be very, very sad and self-loathing
> 
> edit: i literally just realised that strikethroughs dont copy over from google docs so that last bit might actually make sense now lmao

Patrick stared out of his bedroom window as Joe’s mindless humming filled the room. Dust was settling on the windowsill; he hadn’t cleaned his room in a few days, and it was starting to show. He made a note to do that later when he was alone again. His bin was getting full too.

It was raining, tiny droplets distorting his view of the world outside. He found the weather soothing, almost. It hadn’t rained in awhile, which was unusual for Chicago, and the return of the typical weather was always good.

A bird flew towards his window, and he tensed up instinctively, thinking it was about to fly into the glass. It shot up at the last second though, and a second later Patrick heard rustling in the roof where it overhung the house. A favourite nesting place, he’d found over the years. The birds had never caused problems, just noise. The year they had a wasp nest in there, though, that was a bad one.

His phone buzzed against his leg, bringing his focus back to the room where it needed to be. He picked it up and tapped the group chat notification, interested to see what his other friends were doing with their days.

 **reinvent-love:** spence come over

 **celluloidheroes:** why??? never go round yours

 **reinvent-love:** fell down the stairs need help

 **vices-virtues:** omg are you okay ??

 **deathspells:** no offense but couldnt you like text

 **fallout-boy:** call an ambulance dude

 **reinvent-love:** this was open. ambulances are bad.

 **soul-punk:** how badly are you hurt?

 **reinvent-love:** broke my elbow

 **celluloidheroes:** crap okay mom’s driving me over we’ll take you to the hospital

 **celluloidheroes:** bren i’ll keep you updated on text okay?

 **vices-virtues:** okay thanks

Joe sighed from where he was laying on Patrick’s bedroom floor, sheets of paper strewn carelessly around him. “I hope Ryan’s okay, a broken elbow sounds awful.”

Patrick nodded in agreement, although he didn’t think Joe could see him. “Yeah, and falling down the stairs sucks even if you don’t break anything.” That was one of his more vivid childhood memories; getting a head rush, missing a step and falling head first towards the front door.

Joe snorted with laughter. “Do you fall down the stairs often?” He ran a hand through his hair to move it out of his face, although it fell back a second later. Gravity worked like that sometimes.

Patrick reached a leg over the side of his bed and kicked Joe. He was precariously balanced now, but the look of shock on Joe’s face was worth it. “Shut up; it’s a universal experience. You’ve never fallen down the stairs?”

“Oh, I have,” Joe said, rubbing his side. “Just messing with you.” Just like he was messing with Patrick by pretending to be injured, Patrick knew. He couldn’t kick _that_ hard.

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to do homework for their shared subjects, but just lurking in the group chat. The sooner they got the homework done, the better since Patrick could smell whatever his mother was cooking for dinner and knew Joe would be going home soon. They were distracted now though, and it would be hard to get their concentration back, especially when they were worried for Ryan. The guy was nice, and Patrick didn’t want him to be hurt.

“It’s cute that you keep those notes,” Joe said, jolting Patrick out of his thoughts. He was staring at the bright squares of paper above Patrick’s head, rather than the ones sticking out of the book in front of him. “You don’t even know who they’re from, but you’ve decided they mean something to you. That’s cute.”

Patrick tilted his head back so that he could look at the Post-It notes on the pinboard above him. They were clumped together in a corner, even though he never used the space for anything else. “Sometimes you need happy reminders, you know? Things to look at when you’re feeling down.”

Joe nodded in understanding. “Yeah, totally. I do the same thing with posters and stuff.” Patrick wondered what Joe’s bedroom looked like; if the mess on the floor was any indication, it was probably a lot less tidy than Patrick’s.

“Hey, who’s the girl in the photo?” Joe asked next since his gaze had shifted to the photos on the opposite corner of the board. “Not your mom, of course. The other one.”

Patrick looked over his shoulder at the photo of him and Elisa. “An ex-girlfriend, I guess. Her name’s Elisa. She moved across the country a few years ago, so we broke up, but we still message each other occasionally. We were best friends growing up.”

“Huh, childhood sweethearts. The original Ryan and Spencer,” Joe joked. “It’s cool that you’re still friends with her.” He turned back to his homework, looking solemn all of a sudden. “I’ve not been in a relationship before, you know.”

“Never?” Patrick questioned. He couldn’t believe that girls (and guys) hadn’t gone after Joe at his old school. The teen was attractive, as well as kind and funny and all the things most people looked for in a relationship. Maybe it was just because he was a nerd rather than a jock. Teenagers were strange about what cliques they interacted with.

Joe shook his head. “Nope, never. Not a single soul has been deemed worthy of this heart,” he said dramatically, rolling over and clutching his chest. “People at my old school just weren’t interested in me, dude. Maybe it’s the Jewish thing.”

Patrick laughed at Joe’s antics and his last comment. “You know, I don’t think that’s the reason, funnily enough. Maybe it’s because you’re an idiot.”

Patrick ignored Joe’s mock-offended reply and instead turned his phone screen on so that he could check the group chat for updates on Ryan’s condition.

 **celluloidheroes:** broken elbow, bad concussion, angry best friend

 **reinvent-love:** i said sorry

 **celluloidheroes:** two hours ryan!

 **soul-punk:** what happened?

 **celluloidheroes:** pushed down the stairs

“Wait, pushed?” Joe commented. He was frowning at his phone, and Patrick was sure he looked the same. “That sounds even worse than falling down them did. Who the hell pushes people down the stairs?”

Patrick had to agree. “Yeah, doesn’t sound good at all. And why would he lie about it?” He thought about it and remembered suddenly the time he’d told his mother that he fell over in the playground at school when really his friend Shane had pushed him over so that she’d let them stay friends. Maybe it was a situation like that. “Do you think it was someone Ryan knows? Someone _Spencer_ knows?”

Joe shook his head immediately. “No way, he said he was at home. And it sounds like he was lying there for, like, hours, so it wasn’t an accident. How the hell…”

Patrick and Joe stared at each other as they mentally brainstormed reasons for the fall, which meant Patrick saw the look on Joe’s face as his friend figured it out seconds before he did. “Oh my God,” Patrick whispered, letting go of his phone with one hand to cover his mouth.

He had to know what they were saying. He had to know that his friends were safe.

 **celluloidheroes:** anyway ryan is staying with me for as long as we can get away with

 **vices-virtues:** im coming over

 **blurryface:** bad parents?

 **reinvent-love:** could say that

Patrick hated being right sometimes. He was sure Joe felt the same.

 **willubminor:** oh that sucks i’m sorry

 **decaydance:** roadtrip to vegas for fight reasons

 **jetstar:** for once i wont stop you

 **xvx:** i’ll pick you up on the way pete

 **reinvent-love:** can we lighten the mood

 **young-veins:** yeah no offense but i’m too high for this

 **hesitantalien:** i pushed mikey down the stairs once for borrowing my crayons

 **electric-century:** three times

 **spookyjim:** honestly i could read the gee/mikey sibling adventures™ forever

 **electric-century:** plenty more where that came from

 **brobecks:** do tell

Patrick’s phone screen turned off due to inactivity, but he barely noticed. The ‘bad’ voice in his brain had begun to run away with itself, leaving him in a state of self-loathing.

~~Why are you complaining?~~

“Hey dude, are you listening to me?”

~~It could be so much worse.~~

“Patrick, stop spacing out.”

~~Stop being such a whiny baby.~~

“I wish I had siblings, these stories are great.”

 ~~Check your phone~~.

     _Anonymous asked: u should kys no one likes u_

Queued for 6 hours from now, no reply.

“Patrick.”

A hand on his shoulder startled him so much that he almost hit Joe, who was now right in front of him. “Are you okay?”

Patrick debated his answer for a second before shaking his head. He didn’t want to worry Joe, but he knew his best friend wouldn’t believe any other answer.

Joe wrapped his arms around Patrick’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug. The hat Patrick was wearing was knocked off, replaced by a hand running through his hair. “Shh, it’ll be okay. You’re gonna be alright.”

Patrick shook his head again. It wasn’t going to be okay, not while he was making strangers angry. Maybe that anon was right, maybe the world would -

Patrick could hear singing. He wasn’t expecting that.

Joe was singing a lullaby, something about honey being for bees. Nothing Patrick had heard before, but it calmed him. If he hadn’t been a mess at that exact point in time, he probably would’ve fallen asleep.

The song came to what Patrick assumed was the end, and the silence that enveloped the two boys afterwards was almost deafening. Patrick hated silence. He’d surrounded himself with music so often in his life that he couldn’t bear to be without it, and if Patrick could stand to look at his phone right now, he’d be opening Spotify and finding a playlist.

He couldn’t look, though. Nothing good seemed to be happening when he looked at his phone lately.

“Hey, what happened?” Joe whispered, still stroking Patrick’s hair. He didn’t usually like people playing with his hair, but the feeling was nice. The comfort was nice. “A few minutes ago you were fine.”

Patrick dropped his phone so that he could hold onto Joe’s shirt instead. He needed to ground himself right now. “Just thinking. Some people are so unfortunate, you know? And- and I’m here complaining that a few people don’t like me,” he explained, knowing he was about to start crying. “But oh God, they hate me so much, Joe. Everyone hates me, everyone on that goddamn site.”

Joe held Patrick a little tighter. “Hey, that’s not true. Did you get another anon?” It was scary how quickly Joe figured Patrick out.

Patrick nodded against Joe’s chest. He was probably getting his best friend’s shirt wet; he’d have to apologise for that later. “Yeah. Yeah, now they’re telling me to kill myself, and I’m beginning to think I should start listening to them.”

“Oh, Patrick, no,” Joe said. “They’re just a few dumb idiots. You’ve got so many friends on that website. Like me, and Pete and Jon and all.”

“They all hate me,” Patrick repeated - a thought that had been ingrained in him for so long that he couldn’t get it out of his head, even when given evidence otherwise.

“I don’t. I love you, Patrick, okay? It’s gonna be all right.”

Maybe Patrick could believe that. He hadn’t gone running as soon as he realised that Patrick was kinda messed up, after all. It was a shame, really, that Joe had never been in a relationship, Patrick thought to himself. He’d make a good boyfriend. Patrick would date him if -

Wait.

Patrick would what?

Oh no.

He might have a bit of a crush on Joe. Just a bit. It’s not like he wanted to kiss the guy, find out what he looked like with proper bedhead or after a shower, have that beautiful singing voice available whenever he needed…

Okay, scratch that. Maybe Patrick had a lot of a crush on Joe. But that didn’t mean Joe had a crush on him.

They were best friends. They were close. They did the things best friends do - comfort each other, share food, go to shows together. Best friends say ‘I love you’ to each other. They were that and nothing more. He didn’t want to scare Joe off by trying to make the friendship more than that. He didn’t want to lose everything just because he’d attached himself to the first person who’d shown him kindness in recent years.


	10. impossible dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kenny is unhelpful and Joe and Patrick have the most epic movie night/dance party ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peru story: kira and i got a 5 man tent to ourselves for a week and let me tell you, the space was very much appreciated
> 
> chapter title from 'peacekeeper' by kenneth aaron harris
> 
> re: the tags:  
> its mentioned a couple times that patrick just... doesnt ever really eat anything? idk thought it was best to warn about that just in case  
> also weed mentions because i havent done that in a while

[Private Message to Kenneth Harris]

 **Patrick:** hey can i talk to you?

 **Patrick:** got something that i cant tell the whole group and ur really nice so

 **Kenneth:** of course! whats up?

 **Patrick:** i kinda have a crush on joe and idk what to do

 **Kenneth:** uhh have you considered telling joe

 **Patrick:** no hes my only friend at school and if he doesnt feel the same then everything will be messed up

 **Kenneth:** damn okay when did you figure this out

 **Patrick:** like 5 minutes ago im a mess

 **Kenneth:** patrick dude i really wish i had some good advice but i am not the person to ask

 **Patrick:** i hate crushes andy got the best deal

 **Kenneth:** aint that the truth

Patrick rolled over and screamed into his pillow in frustration, which caused Joe to look up from whatever he was doing on his phone at the other end of the bed. Patrick had forgotten he was even in the room. “Everything okay?” Joe asked, looking at Patrick with concern.

Patrick nodded hastily. “Yeah, yeah, it’s all good,” he said, hoping that would stop Joe from worrying about him. He’d already made enough of a fuss for one day. “I’m just annoyed at something.”

Joe looked wary of Patrick’s answer, but before he could say anything about it, Patrick’s mother came into the room. “Joe, honey, your dad’s here to pick you up,” she said. Patrick almost sighed in relief, knowing he’d just managed to avoid further interrogation.

Joe sighed as he got up and gathered his stuff. “Alright. Thanks for having me, Mrs Stumph. See you tomorrow, Patrick, call me if you need to talk.” _Yeah, right,_ he thought to himself. Patrick needed time to process his feelings; he’d call someone else if he had to.

“See you,” Patrick replied instead. He waved at Joe as he left the bedroom, and was surprised when his mother didn’t follow. “What’s up?” he questioned, unsure of what she wanted from him. Did she just want to check on him? It was probably obvious he’d been crying.

“Are you coming down to dinner tonight, honey?” she asked, eyes filled with sadness. It was such a change from her usual bubbly self that it shocked Patrick. He was used to seeing her smiling.

He immediately felt guilty. He’d been spending more and more time in his bedroom, drowning in schoolwork. The same was true that night; he’d planned to do it, but obviously had been too distracted to finish it. “No, sorry. I’ve still got, like, two hours of Maths to do.”

“I’ll bring you a plate up then,” his mother replied after a moment of silence. She didn’t sound very impressed with his answer, and he didn’t blame her. They didn’t spend much time together as it was.

“Thanks,” Patrick said, still feeling sorry but knowing if he didn’t start the work now, he’d never get it done. He put his phone out of sight and moved to his desk, pulling out his Maths work. He barely even noticed when his mother came back into the room soon afterwards.

The plate of food was still sat there when he finished his work at 1 AM. He listened for a second to figure out if his mother was asleep or not - she was - and crept downstairs with the still-full dish.

He didn’t feel bad about throwing away the food, even if a little part of his brain was saying that it was a waste. _I’m just not hungry_ , he told himself as he emptied the plate into the kitchen bin as if he hadn’t been ‘not hungry’ for the past three days.

\-----

He was almost late to school the next morning, not wanting to drag himself out of bed. He barely managed to make it to his locker before the bell rang, and just shoved his Maths and English books into his backpack without much thought.

He was in so much of a hurry that he almost missed the slip of paper hanging out of the slits on the door of his locker. He wasn’t in the mood for dealing with his secret admirer right then, but he grabbed it anyway so he could read it later in the day.

\-----

Patrick forgot about the note until he was sat at lunch in the band room with Joe. He didn’t even particularly care about it now that he’d realised his crush on Joe, but he felt compelled to read it anyway.

“I wonder what my cheesy compliment of the day is,” Patrick muttered, pulling the Post-It note out of his pocket. He wanted to be enthusiastic about it, but he was still struggling to believe that someone had good things to say about him so often.

     _You’re the only person in the world that can pull off a fedora._

Joe leaned over and knocked the hat off Patrick’s head, having read the note over Patrick’s shoulder. “Do you ever take that stupid hat off?” he asked, picking it up to inspect it.

Patrick frowned jokingly at his friend as he took the hat out of Joe’s hands and put it back on. “It’s surgically attached. You’ve wounded me by removing it. I’m gonna need stitches now.”

Joe laughed. “I’ll call 911 for you. Should I report myself to the police while I’m at it?”

 _You should report yourself for stealing my heart,_ Patrick thought to himself but knew he could never say that out loud.

“Absolutely,” Patrick said instead. “You’re a criminal, Joseph Trohman. I’m ashamed to be associating myself with you.” He tried his best to keep his tone on the joking side, but that wasn’t always something he was good at, and he hoped Joe interpreted it correctly.

“You’re a criminal for never eating your delicious sandwiches,” Joe replied, and Patrick relaxed knowing he hadn’t made a fool of himself. Joe took Patrick’s sandwiches and happily tucked into them like he had been for the past week.

“You can talk, Mr Greedy,” Patrick joked, passing the rest of his food over too. There wasn’t a lot - just a chocolate bar and a bag of crisps - but he didn’t think he could stomach even that right now. Besides, it was normal not to eat lunch, right?

\-----

 **vices-virtues:** f i n a l l y

 **fallout-boy:** what did you do now brendon

 **vices-virtues:** i did nothing

 **vices-virtues:** ryan and spencer however…

 **deathspells:** i mean they are living together now

 **electric-century:** gee you owe me 10 bucks

 **hesitantalien:** okay we dont know that for sure yet

 **celluloidheroes:** so heres the deal ryan and i are sharing a bed while hes staying here

 **reinvent-love:** and we mightve kissed and we mightve liked it

 **vices-virtues:** and now we’re all dating f i n a l l y

 **electric-century:** gee you owe me 10 bucks

 **young-veins:** good there needs to be at least one uncomplicated relationship in this chat

 **jetstar:** you say that but the only other relationship is mikey and frank?

 **young-veins:** sure jan

 **willubminor:** theres def at least one other, guessing jon and i are talking about the same people

 **decaydance:** well now im curious one of u message me

 **xvx:** ~the plot thickens~

 **brobecks:** is it the columbus kids because i may or may not have money on that

 **spookyjim:** no it is not sorry dallon

 **blurryface:** im not into dudes haha but josh and i win best bromance

Patrick knew they were talking about him. Him and Joe, the secret romance, and apparently the complicated one too. Well, he wasn’t surprised. He didn’t know how Jon knew about it; maybe he’d seen something at their sleepover and made conclusions from there. He didn’t care as long as no one told Pete - Patrick didn’t think Pete was the kind of person that was good at keeping secrets.

The boys were at Joe’s house for once, sat in his living room as they watched _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince._ Patrick was curled into a ball at one end of the sofa, whereas Joe had laid down on the floor ‘so that he could stretch out as much as possible’, he’d claimed.

“Have you ever been to London?” Joe asked as they watched Death Eaters destroy the Millennium Bridge. “I heard that they put a Platform 9 ¾ sign up in King’s Cross station.”

Patrick shook his head even though Joe couldn’t see him. “No, but I’d love to. I’ve never been outside of the States.”

“Man, we’ve gotta go sometime. After we graduate, maybe,” Joe said, and Patrick wasn’t sure to be excited or disappointed in the thought that they’d still be friends that far in the future. He liked Joe, but could he keep his crush a secret for that long? “We could go see a show too, like - damn, what are some good British bands?”

Patrick mentally went through his music collection, trying to remember where each band came from. “Uh, Muse? I don’t know man, Coldplay’s not too bad, and there’s Arctic Monkeys too. Isn’t there a venue in London that seats, like, 90,000 people?”

Joe nodded. “I think it’s a stadium that they use for music sometimes. Seeing a show there would be crazy, but _playing_ a show there? That’s the dream, dude.”

They quieten down as Harry, Ron and Hermione visit the Weasley twins’ joke shop because Fred and George were hilarious and deserved attention. It had been a long time since Patrick had watched Harry Potter, and he had no idea why, because it never failed to make him laugh.

Joe’s dog jumped up onto the sofa and started trying to climb into Patrick’s lap. “What you doing, dog?” he said, laughing at the animal’s antics.

“Ruby, don’t be annoying,” Joe scolded from the floor, not even turning away from the screen. “Let Patrick watch the movie.”

Patrick shifted so that Ruby could get comfortable, and stroked her as he focused on the film again. He was a dog person, although maybe that was just because he was allergic to cats.

“Tom Felton is really hot,” Joe commented later on in the film, which Patrick found odd because Draco was currently laying in a pool of his own blood. He could kind of see it though. The _Harry Potter_ kids had grown up well.

“Doesn’t Neville get attractive in the eighth film too?” he asked, trying to recall the movies he hadn’t seen in so long. “Like, he’s hot, and then he pulls the sword out, and you’re like ‘damn, dude if I liked sex, I would be first in line’.”

Joe laughed, the sound clashing with the somber music coming from the television. “Yeah, he did. Good times, good times.”

The two boys groaned as Harry and Ginny kissed on-screen for the first time because any film that forced a romantic subplot was one that they didn’t like. Yeah, it was based on a book, but the romance actually _worked_ in the book. The films were pretty awful sometimes.

“You know what I could get behind?” Joe said, pointing at the new couple on screen. “Harry and Draco. Apparently, that’s a thing that’s popular, and I am in support of it.”

Patrick hummed in agreement. “Okay, but consider this - Seamus and Dean,” he added. That was a friendship he’d like to see become more - there was a basis for it, unlike Draco and Harry, which would just be built on hate.

The film began to get some action as Harry and Dumbledore made it to the seaside cave, and Patrick instinctively tensed up, knowing what happened afterwards. He was never ready, no matter how many times he watched or read the series. Or how many posts he saw on Tumblr.

“Don’t die,” he whispered as Snape stood opposite Dumbledore, but as usual, his wishes were ignored. He wasn’t going to cry though, especially not in front of Joe. Again.

The screen flashed as the fight finally began, startling Ruby. She bolted out of the room, but not before stepping on Patrick’s crotch. He groaned in pain and flopped sideways on the sofa.

“Stupid dog,” Joe muttered fondly as the confrontation on-screen reached a climax. Patrick found it hard to believe that they’d been sat staring at a screen for around two hours. Joe was just someone that was easy to be around, he supposed.

They went up to Joe’s bedroom after the movie ended, not wanting to watch the next one and have to relive the horror of Dobby’s death. Patrick was glad about that because he definitely wouldn’t be able to keep his emotions in check.

Joe’s bedroom was a lot nerdier than Patrick’s. While he kept his _Star Wars_ merchandise tucked in corners and on shelves, Joe’s was spread out around the room, along with an almost worry amount of _The Simpsons_ stuff. It made Patrick smile, though, that his friend was so open about his interests.

There was also a wall completely covered in band posters, and Patrick walked over to look at a few of them more closely. He knew a lot of the bands and asked questions about the ones he didn’t recognise. Patrick loved new music recommendations, after all. It was half the reason he’d joined Tumblr in the first place.

When Patrick turned away from that wall, Joe was sat on the bed on his phone. Patrick copied him, and since he hadn’t checked his phone during the movie, he had a few messages to catch up on.

 **decaydance:** i have a cold and i hate it

 **fallout-boy:** how its not cold season

 **decaydance:** i made out with this dude after a show last night and he had a cold and now i have a cold??

 **young-veins:** thats hilarious omg

 **decaydance:** it is not hilarious jonathan

 **xvx:** no its pretty funny

 **decaydance:** dont make out with your fans guys it always ends badly

 **deathspells:** damn sorry mikey :///

 **electric-century:** i cri evrytiem

 **hesitantalien:** dont ever use outdated memes like that again

 **electric-century:** what r u gonna do tell mom and dad

 **willubminor:** hey did i ever tell u guys im scared of snakes

 **brobecks:** no but nice topic change?

 **willubminor:** thanks and okay so im scared of snakes and today i was given some weed but i thought it was a baby snake? and i dropped it and thats the story of why my dealer punched me

 **blurryface:** why and how do you guys get so much weed we’re literally in high school

 **vices-virtues:** really tyler thats the question you’re gonna ask about that story

“Hey, what time is your mom picking you up?” Joe asked, kicking Patrick’s lightly to get his attention. The bed was slightly too small for both of them to be sat on, but whatever.

Patrick switched to his text messages so that he could find the plan he’d made with his mother. “Uh, 6,” he answered, before looking at the clock on his phone. They still had around 45 minutes until Patrick had to go home, and he knew they should spend that time doing homework, but that wasn’t looking very likely.

“Do you wanna put some music on and mess around?” Joe suggested, already moving towards his record player. Patrick agreed; he was in the mood to jump along to some All Time Low, or something like that.

The opening riff to Last Young Renegade filled his ears, and he dragged himself off the bed. Joe grabbed his hands and pulled him forwards, and they made a weak attempt at dancing. Joe started spinning in circles, making Patrick laugh as he almost toppled into a bookcase.

They sang the chorus at each other, almost yelling. Patrick hoped the two of them weren’t disturbing anyone else in the house, but then Joe started doing the Macarena and Patrick was having too much fun to care.

He stopped to catch his breath in the space before Drugs and Candy started, and he realised how easy it would be, right that second, to pull Joe forwards and kiss him. He wouldn’t do that, though. He couldn’t.

For a second, during the quieter bridge, Patrick expected Joe to pull him even closer. Maybe it was something in the way he was moving his hips. He thought there was a chance that, from the look on Joe’s face, perhaps his best friend felt the same way.

And then the vocals to Dirty Laundry kicked in, and the moment was lost.


	11. slip away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick is sad then happy then sad again, which should be expected if you've already read 10 chapters of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday joe~
> 
> i googled 'gabe saporta/gerard way' as a joke and then it became a Thing sorry  
> also why do i keep pushing all of my problems on patrick the poor guy
> 
> chapter title from 'goner' by twenty one pilots
> 
> re: the tags:  
> child abuse - this time with tyler!  
> eating disorders - more talk of patrick not eating, offhand comment about starving himself  
> underage drug use - joe smells of weed lmao  
> and the whole 'self-hatred' stuff. patrick's really good at that.

**blurryface:** hey guys can i talk to yall about something

**decaydance:** of course!!!

**spookyjim:** whats up buddy?

**blurryface:** so uh i did a lot of thinking after the Ryan Incident and i realised that maybe my parents arent as great as i thought?

**reinvent-love:** im an incident now niceeee

**blurryface:** and so i guess i need some help

Patrick stared at his phone, although he could no longer read the words on it. He was seeing double, but focusing on neither. A common occurrence, at that point.

“What’s up, honey? You’ve gone all quiet,” Patrick heard someone ask. He blinked and turned his head to look at his mother sat in the driver’s seat. She was facing him rather than the road, and he almost started panicking before he realised they were queuing.

There was always traffic when Patrick was desperate not to be stuck in it.

“Nothing's wrong,” he reassured her quickly, hoping she wouldn’t see through the lie. He didn’t like worrying her at the best of times, but especially when she was driving.   


**blurryface:** the main bit is that my parents are super into me getting a basketball scholership and if i dont practice to ‘their standards’ every evening i dont get dinner

Spending time with Joe made him forget that things outside of their own little world were imperfect. For those few hours, laughing at movies and dancing like nobody was watching, Patrick had felt like everything was  _ right _ . And now reality had come crashing back down on him, dowsing him in ice cold water.

Nothing’s ever perfect. He’d be a fool if he believed that.

**hesitantalien:** are you okay?? are you safe staying there until you can figure something else out??

**reinvent-love:** oh im an expert at sneaking food hmu

**blurryface:** yeah it doesnt happen enough for it to be a Problem dont worry

Patrick suddenly felt guilty for not eating his mother’s dinners in a while. Who was he to refuse food when some people didn’t get it at all? Selfish, probably. God, he was a terrible person, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t do a damn thing about it except  _ eat,  _ and that was the last thing he wanted to do half the time.

**celluloidheroes:** do you have anyone you can stay with if things get bad

**blurryface:** my best friend jenna

**blurryface:** its not urgent i just.. idk

Patrick sighed as he saw another chat bubble pop up, a tiny photo of Joe smiling at him. He tapped on it since his friend knew he was online anyway - he wouldn’t be getting out of that conversation easily.

_ [Private Message from Joe Trohman] _

**Joe:** stop freaking out

**Patrick:** i’m not freaking out

**Joe:** patrick you have a tendency to freak out aka blow things out of proportion

Did he? Patrick hadn’t noticed. He thought he just cared more than the average amount about his friends’ well-being. And hated himself more than the average amount, maybe, but everybody had flaws.

**Patrick:** okay maybe i’m freaking out a little bit in an overprotective friend way as usual

**Joe:** ...sure

**Patrick:** ???

**Joe:** r u sure its not in an everything is awful way?

**Patrick:** thats my default state joe. lets go with both.

If asked, Patrick wouldn’t describe himself as a pessimist, but he’d found himself having fewer and fewer things to feel happy about. Sometimes he considered seeing the school therapist, but then he realised that she’d probably just tell him to suck it up, so he never did. Also, he didn’t know how to book an appointment and was too nervous to ask, but whatever.

**willubminor:** if i live anywhere near columbus i’d absolutely let you stay with me

**xvx:** i think we all would 

**xvx:** except ryan obviously

**spookyjim:** if my parents were less strict i’d be moving your stuff in already

**blurryface:** thanks guys

A sudden absence of background noise was the only thing that told Patrick he’d arrived home. He guessed the traffic must’ve let up. Either that or the engine had stopped working, but a quick glance up confirmed that it was the former.

There was a hand over his seatbelt buckle when he reached for it. “I really wish you’d talk to me,” his mother sighed, and Patrick did too, albeit internally. He could never seem to make everybody happy; his mother didn’t deserve the way he was treating her. She made no move to get out of the car, which meant that this would be a serious conversation he couldn’t just dismiss. “You know you can tell me anything, honey. I love you no matter what.”

“I have a crush on Joe,” he admitted finally. Probably not the kind of thing she was expecting to hear, but that’s all he felt comfortable telling her. “I really like him, mom, but what if he doesn’t like me back?”

Her expression turned to one of sympathy almost immediately. “Oh, Patrick. He’d be a fool not to like someone like you.” 

“Someone like me?” Patrick snorted. Yeah, because he had  _ so  _ many qualities that people looked for in a boyfriend. God, there were probably very few people in the world who’d consider him attractive. “Because I’m  _ such _ a catch.”

His mother tutted and shook her head. “Joe’s a nice boy. Ask him out, honey. I don’t think he’ll say no.”

Patrick sighed again, this time out loud. “Wish I had the courage. Plus I keep dumping all my problems on him. He knows how much of a mess I am.” He really needed to get better coping mechanisms. Maybe he should make a rant blog.

“And that hasn’t stopped him from being friends with you, has it?” she said wisely, moving her hand away from his seatbelt. “I’m sure he has problems of his own, too. You two could be good for each other.”

“I hope you’re right,” Patrick muttered, finally unbuckling his seatbelt. “I really don’t want to lose him.”

\-----

Neither of them brought the text conversation up at lunch break the next day. Patrick was glad about that; he’d cried way too many times at school recently. He knew people had breakdowns at school - it was a stressful place - but he’d wanted to make it to his senior year first. Seniors were allowed to cry all the time, as far as Patrick was concerned.

Patrick gave Joe his lunch almost as soon as they sat down, not even looking to see what was in the bag. He didn’t care. “Can I just go to sleep for, like, a week?” he asked jokingly, resting his head on Joe’s shoulder. 35 minutes was an adequate nap time.

“Pretty sure that’s a coma, Patrick,” Joe answered, unwrapping his own sandwiches before looking at Patrick’s. “Nice, tuna and sweetcorn! That’s some good stuff. Better than my chocolate spread. Thanks, man.”

The shorter teen was content to sit and watch Joe eat, since he was actually quite bad at napping, even though the thought of eating made him feel sick. He put it down to the fact that Joe’s shoulder was comfortable and he didn’t want to move. And that Joe smelt nice.

Okay, sure, he smelt of weed and Axe body spray, which was hardly a surprise. It wasn’t necessarily pleasant, although Patrick had got used to it. Underneath that, though, was the scent of pine - probably his body wash - and detergent. Nice to know Joe kept on top of his laundry. Those were nice smells.

He was, amazingly, starting to doze off when Joe moved, knocking Patrick off his shoulder. “Dude, there’s a whole bar of Hershey’s in here,” he said in surprise.

“What?” Patrick grumbled. He didn’t care, he just wanted to nap. 

“Like, an entire bar. Dude, you gotta split this with me” Joe insisted, looking at the bar of chocolate with glee.

“I’m not hungry,” Patrick muttered. He tried to rest his head again but Joe shoved him lightly.

“Nope, we’re sharing.” Joe split the bar neatly in half, handing one end to Patrick.

He stared at it. Maybe he was hoping it would grow teeth and eat  _ him  _ instead. He was so hungry though, he’d been lying to himself, he was hungry and it was right there and half a bar of chocolate couldn’t hurt, right? It wasn’t like he was starving himself.

He took a bite. The chocolate melted in his mouth and lined his throat, and it tasted so good that within five minutes he’d already eaten his share.

“Damn, boy,” Joe laughed, still with a few squares left to go. “Big Hershey’s fan?”

Patrick shrugged. He wasn’t. He didn’t even _like_ Hershey’s that much, but he guessed it was all his mother could find. Was she trying to cheer him up? Or maybe she’d planned the chocolate sharing thing. It seemed like something she’d do.

“Next time I see your mom, remind me to thank her,” Joe continued. “She’s actually the best.”

Well, at least Patrick didn’t have to worry about Joe not liking his family (or his family not liking Joe) if they ever got together. 

He laid his head back down again, this time with no resistance from Joe. His hands dangled in his lap, Joe’s mirroring them inches away. Joe’s fingers twitched, brushing against Patrick’s. He didn’t move his hand away, resting it against Patrick’s in a way that could be purely accidental. 

_ ‘I don’t think he’ll say no’ _ . His mother’s words echoed in his head. Patrick took a deep breath and moved his hand slightly, closing his fingers around Joe’s.

The world didn’t implode. Nobody died.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

\-----

_ [Private Message from Joe Trohman] _

**Joe:** should we talk about what happened at lunch

Patrick froze, a crisp held just in front of his face. Should they talk about it? Phrases like that always filled Patrick with dread.

_ Just stay cool, Patrick. _

**Patrick:** what’s there to talk about?

**Joe:** holding hands

**Patrick:** pretty sure we’ve held hands before bro

**Joe:** think i’d remember that. only time was when we were dancing

**Patrick:** so we held hands that’s cool right

Patrick knew Joe had read his message (read receipts were both a blessing and a curse), but it was several minutes before a reply came through. He spent that time stressfully eating the Pringles in front of him until the salt was beginning to make his lips tingle.

**Joe:** yeah its cool

Well, glad they agreed on that one. That was veering really close to an “I held your hand because it was there and I’m in love with you’ type of conversation.

The group chat popped back up, as it tended to do periodically throughout the day. Some people had a tendency to detail their entire lives in the chat, just because they had nowhere else. Patrick didn’t mind too much.

**decaydance:** show on tuesday lads

**youngveins:** school trip sorry

**decaydance:** smh have fun

**soul-punk:** see you tuesday then

**fallout-boy:** patrick can i come over between gsa and the show

**soul-punk:** of course!

He shouldn’t have agreed to that. The less time he spent with Joe, the less time he had to spend repressing crush-related urges. Or trying to, at least. Staying away from Joe might drive him insane, though, too. 

**deathspells:** how do u get so many shows damn

**decaydance:** we’re literally the only band trying to play in wilmette

**electric-century:** frank you get a load of shows

**electric-century:** i should know i’ve been to all of them since september

**hesitantalien:** he followed you around jersey in february our parents were so mad

**deathspells:** damn guess ur coming on sunday then

**electric-century:** of course

**jetstar:** dude i wanna come

**brobecks:** wish my parents would let me go to concerts

**vices-virtues:** i feel u #mormonproblems

**hesitantalien:** im coming too are midtown opening

**deathspells:** when was the last time we played without midtown gee

**hesitantalien:** i dont know but can you introduce me to gabe

**electric-century:** lmao i just had a thought imagine pete and gabe together

**decaydance:** gabe saporta?? he’s my bro, his bestie william is my homeboy, chicago krew

**electric-century:** well if gee can tell the chat my crush i can tell you theirs: it’s gabe.

**deathspells:** yeah i’ll introduce you both the way siblings can get lucky this week lmao

Patrick put his phone down since the conversation had moved on from things he understood. He vaguely knew who Gabe Saporta and Midtown were, but it was confusing nonetheless. Like when a friend is talking about someone that you only knew through conversations, not someone you’ve actually met. 

He got up to grab a glass of water, hoping that would sort out the salty lips issue. The tap ran slowly, and when he focused his hearing he realised it was probably because the washing machine was on. Oh well. He didn’t mind having to wait an extra couple of seconds.

He drank his water over the sink, just because there was no point having to walk away and then back again. He left the glass in the sink, resting with a knife and fork that he assumed was from his mother’s lunch. He could do the washing up later. Well, if he remembered, of course.

The now-empty Pringles tube sat on the table behind him, and he was hyper aware of its presence. He couldn’t believe he’d eaten a whole tube just like that. No wonder the people in his gym class last semester called him fat, eating like that.

He threw the rubbish in the bin and then went up to his bedroom. There was no food there, no temptation. It was where he needed to be.

There was a mirror in his hallway, a stupid full body thing, and Patrick caught a glimpse of himself in it as he passed. He looked terrible. He hadn’t been doing it on purpose before, but maybe starving himself was the way to go.

Those stupid Post-It notes were the first thing he noticed when he entered his bedroom, their bright colours standing out like a beacon in the night. They were lies, every single one, and he hated the sight of them.

_ You have really nice eyes.  _ Yeah, maybe the colour was interesting, but his eyesight was awful. It was probably difficult to pick out the yellow in his eyes beneath the lenses of his glasses. Especially from a distance, and when was the last time he let anyone up close?

_ When you smile it makes my day so much better.  _ And how often did he smile at school for them to know that? Clearly, they were making these up on the spot. They weren’t true, they were lies, there was nothing good about him.

_ Your laugh is the best sound I’ve ever heard.  _ Oh, as if. He had a girly giggle and he knew it. If that was the sound they were looking for, they could get it from someone who suited it much better.

_ You have a really cute nose.  _ Who the hell thinks noses are cute? They’re noses. They do nothing but smell things, get broken in mosh pits, and run when someone’s got a cold. Would they still find him cute with a runny nose?

_ Your taste in music is amazing.  _ His taste in music got him bullied half the time. If it wasn’t in the Top 40 you were a loser, simple as that. Teenagers were very vocal about what was hot and what was not.

_ You’re the only person in the world that can pull off a fedora.  _ What, the fedora covering a slightly bald patch? Yeah, they’d change their mind about him once they pulled off the hat.

It was so stupid. It was all lies, tricks; somewhere a group of jocks were laughing at him. 

He stormed over, kneeling up on his bed so that he could reach them easily. He ripped them off, one by one, not caring about the bits left under the pins. 

He didn’t rip them to shreds though, just threw them into his bedside table drawer, the one filled with things he never touched anymore. 

Some part of his brain was stopping him from throwing them away completely. He hated that part slightly more than the rest.


	12. stems from stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's Tuesday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is called 'drama pt 1' in my notes. take that as you will.
> 
> title from 'hypnotic spells' by death spells

Tuesday rolled around faster than Patrick expected. He wasn’t sure how he’d been spending his time, but it was almost as if one moment he was waking up on Friday morning and the next he was stood outside the classroom where GSA was held, waiting for Joe.

“Morning!” he heard someone say from just behind him, and he jumped so badly that he almost dropped his phone. He spun around to find Joe stood there with a grin on his face.

“Dude, don’t do that!” Patrick exclaimed, hitting Joe’s arm lightly. “If my phone screen smashes next time because I drop it, you’re paying for the repairs.”

“I know and accept that,” Joe replied, still grinning. “Come on, why stand outside when we could sit inside?”

Patrick followed Joe into the small classroom and grabbed a chair. A sudden realisation caused him to stop halfway to the growing circle, though. “It’s not even morning, Joe,” he said, looking at his friend in confusion. “It’s 3:30.”

“And that’s why it was so funny,” Joe replied, gesturing at the space next to him. Patrick set his chair down in the gap, although he pretended to ignore Joe, even when the other teen reached out to grab his hand.

Oh yeah, that was a thing they’d been doing.

Patrick looked down at their joined hands, trying to remember how that had happened. He remembered starting it, that lunchtime with the chocolate bar, and even though Joe had questioned him about it afterwards he’d run with it. Whenever they were walking through the halls or sat together, Joe’s hand would be in Patrick’s. People were starting to spread rumours that they were dating. Patrick didn’t blame them.

“I don’t know, guys. I don’t have a lot of time to do interesting stuff when I have to spend like twelve hours a day doing school related things,” Joe joked, jolting Patrick out of his thoughts. They were sat near the teacher, so he’d only missed a couple of minutes of the meeting, and he was glad Joe was before him as they spoke about their weeks. “But we’re going to see Pete’s band again tonight, if that counts.”

Patrick nodded, knowing the group’s attention would be on him almost as much as it was on Joe. They seemed to assume that the pair did everything together. “Gigs on school nights are my favourite bad decision,” he commented. He always felt dead the next day, but midweek concerts were worth it.

One of the guys who’d come to the last show with them perked up. “Oh, why didn’t you say? I’ve been meaning to see them again!”

Joe chuckled. “We can hook you up with Pete’s Facebook if you want? He only lets us know, like, four days in advance, for some reason. He must have these shows booked for weeks, but he doesn’t think to tell us.”

“Pete is probably the most complicated person I know,” Patrick agreed. He didn’t understand the older teen’s promotion strategies, but clearly, it was working for him.

The meeting was business as usual. It was late enough in the school year that people were studying instead of doing interesting things, so they didn’t have much to talk about, but it was still nice to hang out with them. Even if there was adult supervision.

“Owen, I’m fairly certain that story contained at least three illegal acts,” the teacher said, although Patrick knew by now that he didn’t really care. He was young, he probably did the exact same thing when  _ he  _ was in high school.

The group laughed, including Owen. Yeah, he didn’t seem too bothered either. Teenagers always did crazy stuff, such as go to hardcore gigs on a school night. Patrick felt like he needed to have fun before he was forced to, like, live by himself and earn enough money to stay alive.

The bell rang what felt like minutes later, reminding Patrick that ‘time flies when you’re having fun’ was rarely a false statement. He didn’t really want to go home since he was just going out again in a few hours. Plus it would just be him and Joe, alone, and Patrick wasn’t sure how much self-control he had left. He’d fallen for Joe  _ hard. _

His mother was already waiting outside when they made it out of the building for once. He waved at her, and it wasn’t until she raised an eyebrow in his direction that he realised he was still holding Joe’s hand. He shrugged - there wasn’t really a silent way to communicate ‘we’re not dating so I have no idea why this is happening but it’s nice so I’m going with it’.

“Hey, boys,” she said as they got in the car, finally letting go of each other. “How was GSA?”

“Same as usual,” Patrick answered, shrugging again. “Nice to chat with people. We all seem to lead pretty boring lives though.”

“Plus I’d prefer it to not feel like group therapy with the circle discussion thing,” Joe joked from the backseat, and Patrick silently agreed. There was one kid in the group who every week, without fail, stood up and said, “Hi, I’m James, and I’m here because I’m addicted to boys.” It was only funny for the first couple of weeks.

The drive didn’t take very long; the roads were only busy when school finished, not when clubs finished, luckily. He couldn’t wait until he could get his own car. He loved his mother, but it would be nice to be able to drive himself around. Take detours, go shopping whenever he wanted, stuff like that.

“What are you gonna do before the show?” his mother asked suddenly. The radio was playing adverts, so maybe she felt that she needed something else to focus on. “You’ve got a couple hours before we need to go out again.”

“Probably just sit in my room and do homework,” Patrick answered. The problem with midweek concerts was that he couldn’t just do his homework at the weekend rather than Friday evening, and he’d need to try and get at least some of it done.

That plan fell through almost as soon as he and Joe made it up to his bedroom. He’d been trying to forget about the redecorating he’d done a few days before, but Joe noticed it almost immediately. “Dude, where did all your notes go?”

Patrick dropped his backpack at the foot of his bed and laid down on his stomach. “Took ‘em down,” he said, turning his head to the side so that his voice wasn’t completely muffled. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Why would you do that?” Joe questioned with a mix of emotions on his face; worried, upset, maybe even a little angry. “You liked them, you said they made you happy.”

“I told you, I don’t wanna talk about it!” Patrick snapped, glaring at Joe. “It’s none of your business anyway.”

Joe looked offended and opened his mouth as if to reply, but then closed it with a sigh. He walked over to the bed and poked Patrick in the side. “Move over.”

Patrick shifted so that there was enough room on the bed for Joe to lay beside him. He took his phone out, hoping that would help him ignore Joe’s further questions. He was fairly certain there’d be more, there always was.

“Just tell me what’s wrong. That’s what friends do, Patrick,” Joe said. Patrick could still see him, out the corner of his eye. The bed was narrow, and they were practically pressed against each other.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine,” Patrick replied, opening the group chat on his phone. There were enough people in that group that he didn’t have to talk about his own problems.

**deathspells:** [3 pictures attached]   
**deathspells:** so sunday was pretty fun

Patrick opened the photos, remembering that there had been a Pencey Prep show the previous weekend. Frank must’ve forgotten to post the pictures until then. He did strike Patrick as a forgetful person.

The first was a selfie of Frank, Mikey, Gee and Ray. Patrick smiled, happy that they’d finally been able to all get together, especially with Ray. He’d be wanting to since the group had been created. They all looked happy, if not a little tired. 

The second was a photo of Gee and another teen, who Patrick assumed must be the Gabe they’d been talking about. They were just talking, but Gabe had one of those flirtatious smirks, so he assumed it had ended pretty well for the pair.

The last photo in the set was of Frank and Mikey. Frank was stood behind Mikey - or maybe being carried, Patrick wasn’t sure - and kissing him on the cheek. Mikey was blushing, not really looking at the camera. 

Patrick wished he could take pictures like that with Joe. 

**soul-punk:** looks like you all had fun!   
**electric-century:** trust me we did   
**jetstar:** ...i feel like i had a different kind of fun to the rest of them   
**hesitantalien:** dont worry ray well find you a nice guy or gal one day   
**decaydance:** is frank as enthusiastic in bed as he is on stage   
**electric-century:** ohhh yes   
**hesitantalien:** wow okay thats something i did not want to know ever   
**deathspells:** why, you interested petey? cause this tiny ass is taken sorry

Patrick chuckled, the group chat making him forget what had been happening in the room around him. He quickly stopped when he realised he was the only person laughing though and turned his head to find Joe looking at him.

“What, do I have something on my face?” Patrick asked. “Stop staring at me.” It made him a little uncomfortable as if Joe thought he could get the answers to all his questions by watching Patrick. 

He went back to his phone, and not long after he heard a muttered “sorry” from beside him, and Joe’s icon started appearing in the chat. 

**reinvent-love:** wait did frank just say he has a small butt   
**electric-century:** nah his butt is normal sized hes just really short   
**vices-virtues:** ryan has a small butt   
**celluloidheroes:** yeah and brendon does not   
**reinvent-love:** leave me alone im malnourished   
**decaydance:** joe patrick yall still down for tonight   
**fallout-boy:** heck yeah   
**youngveins:** i wanna gooo sad face

Patrick thought briefly of all the homework he was gonna have to do tomorrow morning because it wasn’t likely that he’d get it done tonight at this rate. He could always fake being sick and do it during the day, he reasoned.

**spookyjim:** ty come to my marching band performance next week   
**blurryface:** uhh i’ll try?   
**xvx:** me kenny and dal are gonna make our own group chat called ‘living in the middle of nowhere is fun!’   
**willubminor:** you say that but carolina is Boring i wanna go back to denver pls   
**brobecks:** north or south? sc has some nice beaches   
**celluloidheroes:** oh yeah ry and i go to myrtle beach every year, gonna bring bren this year if we can   
**willubminor:** nah i’m in nc this sucks

The conversation derailed after that, and Patrick switched to scrolling through his Tumblr, actively avoiding his inbox. He didn’t want to read that, he had things to look forward to tonight.

“Time to go, boys!” his mother yelled eventually. He and Joe climbed off the bed quickly, eager to get to the gig. Patrick didn’t even care if he was early and had to queue outside the venue, he was a big fan of live music even when it wasn’t his friend performing.

“Jesus, don’t fall down the stairs,” his mother laughed as the two teens quickly walked to the car. If they’d been a few years younger and Patrick wasn’t concerned about looking cool in front of his crush, he probably would’ve run.

The drive seemed to take forever, even though Patrick knew they were going at the speed limit. It felt like the drive was longer every time as if he’d blanked sections of it out of his memory. He recognised all the landmarks, but the space between them seemed to stretch on for longer than it should.

The radio was playing a Years & Years song, and he hummed along. Someone on Tumblr had recommended the band, and he’d become a fan of their singles, even if he didn’t know the rest of the songs. They were pretty chill. 

If he were in a movie, he’d lean his head against the car window, but he’d tried that too many times to know that it would just end in pain. “I had to break myself to carry on,” he sang under his breath, and in the wing mirror, he could see Joe nodding his head in time with the beat.

The music cut to a talking section, but he knew they were approaching the venue, so he didn’t bother changing the station. The evening hosts weren’t as funny as the morning ones, but he’d heard much worse over the years.

“Alright, I’ll pick you up later!” his mother said as she pulled up the curb at the usual drop-off point. “Don’t get into too much trouble.”

“I’ll keep him under control, Mrs Stumph,” Joe joked. Patrick laughed as he unbuckled his seatbelt and pushed the door open. The air outside wasn’t much colder than it was inside the car, but he knew that would change as it got later. He didn’t regret leaving his jacket behind though; the cool air would feel like a relief after being in a crowd of sweaty teenagers and young adults.

“You’re an enigma, Patrick,” Joe commented out of the blue, halfway to the venue. “There’s so much going on in that pretty little head of yours.” 

“Uh, thanks?” Patrick replied in confusion. “You’re the first person who’s told me that.” He didn’t really consider himself a mysterious person, he just liked to keep some things private.

Joe nodded. “I’m gonna figure you out one day, Trick. I’m gonna read you like a book,” he teased, poking Patrick in the side. “And I’ve read seven whole books in my lifetime.”

Patrick laughed. “Seven? What, the Harry Potter series? I dunno, man, the language in this book might be a little complex for a middle-schooler like you.” He didn’t mention that one day he’d like to know everything about Joe, every emotion that passed through those eyes. He’d seen a lot that he didn’t understand in the short time they’d known each other.

The increased amount of cigarette butts underfoot told them that they were almost outside the venue. The bouncer knew their faces by now, and let them straight in. “Stay away from the bar, kiddos!” he yelled after them.

He needn’t have worried; Joe and Patrick immediately headed for the stage, where the band was setting up. “Hey, Pete!” Patrick yelled, trying to get the vocalist’s attention.

The teen on stage spun around with a grin on his face. “Hey, you made it!” For whatever reason, it always made Patrick a little upset when Pete said that like he’d expected them not to show up. “We’re almost done, our set starts in ten.”

Patrick gave him a thumbs up. “Talk to you after?” he asked, letting Pete get back to his work.

Just as Pete said, the lights went down about ten minutes later. One of the spotlights was in Patrick’s eyes, so he put a hand up to block it. He knew their set pretty well by now, and he and Joe were yelling along with Pete as soon as the vocals kicked in. At first, he hadn’t liked singing along at these small shows, thinking the band would want to be heard clearly, but then he’d realised than an enthusiastic crowd got others to watch, and he wanted to help his friend out wherever he could.

He jumped in time to the beat, too, but by the end of the third song, he was finding that difficult, dizziness overcoming him. That was weird, he was usually fine for the whole show. He stood still, holding his head with the hand that had previously been blocking the light.

His knees felt weak, but the stage was too low for him to balance himself on. The room span around him. “Patrick, you good?” he could hear Joe say from beside him, and he felt hands on him, trying to keep him upright.

The guitars disappeared, replaced by another voice in front of him - Pete. He’d stopped the show. What did he do that for? “Here, carry him backstage with me.”

“‘M fine,” Patrick muttered. The dizziness wasn’t letting up. “Jus’ carry on-” The last word trailed off as his knees gave out. He vaguely registered yelling, and the sensation of hitting the ground, before the blinding lights were replaced by the impenetrable darkness behind his eyelids. 


	13. tired in the glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick is no longer unconscious and has a nice long talk with Gee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall i had the Worst writers block sorry this took so long
> 
> chapter title from 'brother' by gerard way
> 
> re: the tags:  
> lots of talk about eating disorders in this chapter

It was warm. That was the first thing Patrick noticed as he awoke, and for a second he thought it was still from the press of sweaty bodies around him. It was too quiet for that though, the air too still. Plus he was lying down, not being propped up by a crowd around him. He was sorta right about one thing though; whilst a lot of the heat was from the duvet, there was a warm body next to him.

He didn’t remember falling asleep the night before, which was weird for him. He didn’t even remember getting home, just the start of the show and then… nothing. At least, he assumed he was at home. It felt like his bed - he was pretty bad at sleeping anywhere else.

He shifted closer to whoever was in bed with him, trying to figure out who it was. God, he really hoped he hadn’t brought some stranger home, although he was pretty sure his mother would never allow that anyway. She would’ve refused to drive the other person home. Patrick wasn’t sure if that was a benefit or a downside of not being able to drive.

He could smell weed and Axe, pine and detergent. The scents he’d come to associate with Joe. He breathed a sigh of relief that he was with someone familiar and tentatively wrapped an arm around his best friend’s stomach, and Joe rolled onto his side, returning the one-armed hug.

It was nice, cuddling like that. Patrick wasn’t afraid to admit that he was a little touch-starved, but he was hesitant to keep lying there; he was scared he’d get used to it, and then start craving it, and they were  _ just friends _ . He couldn’t have everything.

“Mm, Patrick,” he heard Joe groan. There was movement, his friend rolling his hips slightly. Patrick assumed he was just trying to get comfortable in the new sleeping position, but then he felt something digging into his hip, and  _ oh. _

He shuffled away from his friend, suddenly feeling really uncomfortable. A bad end to a good moment, as usual. “Hey, Joe,” he muttered, moving his hand so that he could shake Joe’s shoulder. “Wake up, buddy. You’ve got a, um, a problem there.”

“What’s happening- oh my God,” Joe sounded confused as he first woke up, but that quickly changed to embarrassment, which Patrick could understand. He was sorta embarrassed too. “I’m so sorry, damn, lemme- lemme go to the bathroom.”

There were a few thuds accompanied by swear words, and then a lamp turned on. Patrick squinted against the sudden light and could see Joe almost running from his room. The combination of change in lighting and, you know, not being able to see in general was making his head hurt, so he closed his eyes and felt blindly around for his glasses.

He opened his eyes again once he’d put them on, and turned his attention to his phone. It was plugged in to charge on his bedside table, thankfully. He reached out to grab it, fumbling with the charging cable. The display read 3:30 AM, three missed calls, 7 texts and a lot of group chat messages. Wow, it was almost like he was popular.

He ignored the texts and calls for now since he couldn’t think of anyone who had - and used - his number except his mother, and presumably, she was just down the hall and had also brought him home. She knew he was okay. He opened the group chat instead, scrolling up to the start of last night's conversation, trying to ignore the more recent messages so that he could get the whole story before jumping in.

**decaydance:** joe stop ignoring my texts

**decaydance:** you better message me as soon as hes awake or i s2g

**fallout-boy:** chill omg we literally just got back to his house

**vices-virtues:** what are yall chatting about tonight

**fallout-boy:** patrick passed out at the gig

_ Patrick passed out.  _ Well, that would explain why he didn’t recall getting home. He cast his mind back to the previous night - feeling dizzy, surrounded by his panicking friends - Pete stopped the show for him, wow - and then nothing. He’d passed out. He’d never done that before.

**vices-virtues:** holy crap

**celluloidheroes:** oh my god is he alright?

**blurryface:** is he okay??

**spookyjim:** D:

**fallout-boy:** unconscious still but we got him backstage til his mom could come back to pick us up

**fallout-boy:** im gonna stay at his

**reinvent-love:** do u know why?

Patrick’s stomach rumbled, disturbing the quiet of the bedroom. Well, he could probably hazard a guess as to why he fainted.

**youngveins:** regret going on this school trip even more now

**xvx:** tell him that we hope he feels better soon too if it was a sickness thing

**hesitantalien:** passing out is the worst make sure hes got water when he wakes up

**electric-century:** and something plain like crackers!

**jetstar:** can anyone here edit enough to make a get well soon card

**brobecks:** uhh my friend breezy can kinda i can pass along the message?

**deathspells:** get better soon patrick!

**deathspells:** ok now ive done the serious bit: pete lmao ur famous now u got fans passing out at ur gigs

**willubminor:** frank jfc

**willubminor:** but tbh i was thinking the same

There was a soft knock on the door and Joe entered, carrying a glass of water and some ready salted crisps. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked when he saw that Patrick was still awake. He walked back over to the bed and set the food and drink down on the table. “Any better?”

Patrick shrugged. His head still felt a bit funny, and he didn’t think he’d be able to get out of bed anytime soon, but he didn’t think he was in danger of passing out again. “I think I’m alright. How, uh, how are you feeling?”

Joe blushed and scratched the back of his head. He looked cute when he blushed, Patrick thought to himself. “Yeah, I’m good now. Sorry about that. I just- sorry.”

“It’s alright, dude. Don’t worry about it.” Patrick lifted up the corner of the duvet so that Joe could get back into bed. “So... you dream about me often?” he asked, trying to pass it off as a joke. Friends joked about things like that, right?

Joe turned even more red if that was possible. “No, I swear. God, this is weird. This is weird, right?”

Patrick nodded, and then regretted the movement when it made the room start to spin. “Yes, oh my God. It’s so weird. Dude, it’s  _ me.”  _ Joe knew perfectly well that Patrick wasn’t interested in what happened in those kinds of dreams.

Joe groaned and hid his face in his hands. “I know. I am never sleeping again. Forget this happened?”

Patrick nodded again, then remembered that Joe couldn’t see him. “Yeah, dude, of course,” he said, even though he knew he wouldn’t be forgetting it anytime soon. 

A little part of his brain was telling him that he had a reason to believe there was a chance Joe liked him back. If he’d learnt anything from his weird hippie aunt, it was that dreams always meant something. And he wasn’t an expert, but he didn’t think you had dreams like that about just anyone.

He looked back at his phone, figuring he should let everyone know he was okay. He felt bad, making them worry about him. 

**soul-punk:** hi im alive

**decaydance:** oh thank god i havent been able to sleep

**deathspells:** you feeling better? 

**soul-punk:** i think so

**soul-punk:** guess i vastly underestimated how much energy i had before i went to that show

Joe nudged his shoulder, getting him to look up. “I got you some water,” he said, even though he had to know Patrick had seen him come in with it. He still looked a little unsure about the situation, and Patrick wished he’d just stop worrying.

He rolled over and managed to move enough that he was leaning against the headboard. It had been a long time since he’d felt this weak, and he hated it. Joe passed him the glass and he downed it quickly. He hadn’t realised he was so thirsty. “Thanks.”

His phone was buzzing again, but not with the pattern he’d assigned to the group chat. That meant it was probably important.

_ [Private Message from Gee Way] _

**Gee:** hey are you doing okay?

**Gee:** in a general way not a just passed out way

He just looked at the message for a while, cursing Facebook and its read receipts. Was he doing okay? He panicked and cried a lot, and had apparently stopped eating for long enough that he’d passed out.

**Patrick:** i dont think so

**Gee:** wanna talk about it? 

**Gee:** sometimes it helps to tell someone that you know but dont have to like… see 

**Patrick:** i mean i know why i passed out but god i hate it when theyre all worrying about me

**Gee:** yeah i get you

He wanted to tell someone - someone who wasn’t his best friend, because Joe dealt with so many of his problems already - but he didn’t even know where to start. He was a bit of a mess really.

He felt a weight against his side and turned his phone screen off quickly, a habit from his mother reading his texts over his shoulder a lot. He heard a noise of protest and realised it was just Joe, and he reluctantly turned it back on. He couldn’t get out of the conversation now.

**Patrick:** turns out i may not eat enough

**Gee:** define not enough

He did some mental math before replying. The last thing he remembered eating was those Pringles after school on Friday.

**Patrick:** nothing since friday?

**Patrick:** i might have an issue

“You  _ might _ have an issue?” Joe exclaimed from beside him. His eyes were wide with shock and worry. “Patrick, that was like 5 days ago!”

This was exactly why he didn’t want to tell Joe. He knew it was bad, but he hated when people made a big deal over him. He wasn’t worth the fuss. “Whatever. I messed up, I won’t do it again.”

Joe sighed. “That’s not the point. You’ve been eating less and less for a while now, haven’t you? I should’ve figured it out when you stopped eating your lunch.”

“Yeah, well, when you start feeling so awful about yourself that you stop eating, come talk to me,” he snapped and instantly regretted it. Urgh, he’d done the whole ‘being horrible to someone who’s only trying to help’ thing again. “Sorry.”

Joe shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you about it or whatever. You had your reasons, I guess.”

That was the problem, though; Patrick hadn’t even realised the reason until he’d blurted it out. Yeah, he was aware of how he hated the way he looked, but he’d been fine with it for a long time. But then strangers on the Internet had started telling him he shouldn’t be alive, and maybe he’d started making himself disappear by never hanging out with his mother or eating her food. Maybe.

**Gee:** oh ive been there

**Patrick:** really?

**Gee:** yeah scared the hell out of mikey

**Patrick:** any advice for yknow not wanting to be a nuisance by eating but also like not wanting to starve

**Gee:** uh i ended up in hospital and got therapy that helped me realise everyone deserves to eat no matter how much you hate yourself

**Gee:** but something i did after that was start small and send mikey a picture of whatever id eaten that day

**Gee:** if i didnt send him a picture by like 9pm hed drag me upstairs and watch me eat like an apple or something

Patrick could do that, he guessed. He didn’t have a younger brother looking out for him - Gee was lucky to have Mikey, being an only child sucked - but maybe he could do something similar with Joe. Video call was a thing, and he was fairly certain Joe had his mom’s number.

“Start now,” his best friend said from beside him, dangling the bag of crisps he’d brought up in front of Patrick’s phone screen. “I’ll help you, you’re my best friend.”

Patrick felt stupid taking a photo of a bag of crisps, and he wished Joe would stop watching him eat. He guessed he’d get used to it, though. Joe could be very persistent sometimes.

The bag took less time to eat than he expected: 75% air or something like that. He was still hungry, and now that he’d started eating he didn’t really want to stop, but he knew if he ate loads now he’d just throw it all back up. “There. All gone.”

Joe took the packet and threw it in the bin beside the bed. “See, we got this!” he said. He wiped a stray crumb away from Patrick’s mouth, and Patrick instinctively leaned closer. “I’ll help you out. That’s what friends are for.”

Patrick felt Joe’s lips press against his cheek, so quickly he thought he must’ve imagined it, and for the first time in a while, he felt like he could fly.


	14. covered in ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick sleeps a lot and then learns something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i will update this fic this month!" i yell at myself as i write half the chapter in about three hours  
> it's a little bit shorter than usual but hopefully the last two chapters will make up for it! i completely changed the plan like last week so *shrug emoji*
> 
> chapter title is from 'the only hope for me is you' by my chemical romance
> 
> tw: nothing big, mentions of the whole not eating thing since its a follow on from last chapter, patrick has like half a panic attack, jons probably high.

**soul-punk:** anyway im okay sorry for worrying yall  
**hesitantalien:** hey dont you dare start apologising for stuff like that is no ones fault okay?  
**electric-century:** idk whats happening but do not fight them on this theyve got that Look rn  
**decaydance:** we love you trickie  
**soul-punk:** dont call me that  
**decaydance:** <3  
**deathspells:** anyone else gonna finish up this allnighter  
**electric-century:** may as well  
**fallout-boy:** nah i need sleep to function some of us have school

“Dude, go back to sleep,” Patrick said, shoving Joe lightly. There was no way his mom was gonna send him to school today, but as far as he was aware Joe still had to go. He didn’t think it was very fair that the guy who had been up in the middle of the night looking after him had to go to school, Joe deserved to sleep in all day too, but there wasn’t a lot he could do about it.

“But I wanna make sure you’re okay,” Joe replied quietly. It was still bizarre to Patrick that his best friend would risk detentions from falling asleep in class just to make sure he was alright. Really, they hadn’t even known each other that long but had already formed some kind of ride-or-die friendship.

“I’m fine, I promise,” he reassured the other teen. “Come on, you can probably still get a couple more hours of sleep in before you have to leave.”

Joe sighed as he made himself comfortable under the covers again, the rustling of the sheets the only sound other than their breathing in the room. “I know you’re fine, I just… I dunno. I feel like I should’ve noticed.”

“It’s not your job to watch over me all the time,” Patrick protested. He hadn’t even really noticed he had a problem until he passed out from it, couldn’t admit to himself until then that he had an issue. How was Joe supposed to know? 

“Yeah, but… I should’ve noticed. With how you were giving all your food away, or something.” Joe rolled over, away from Patrick. Well, if that wasn’t a sign the conversation was over, he didn’t know what was.

He leaned over his best friend to turn the lamp off and then curled up against the wall. Now that Joe was probably ignoring him and hopefully asleep, there was no point him being awake either. He could, of course, stay up with Frank and Mikey, but he was feeling pretty drained anyway. Maybe he could sleep the whole day away.

\-----

When Patrick woke up again, the room was flooded with natural light, and Joe was sat at the desk rather than laid in bed. He had headphones in, probably so he didn’t disturb anyone with loud music, and was quietly humming along, although Patrick wasn’t quite awake enough yet to figure out what song it was.

Patrick got up and walked over to the desk, grabbing his phone on the way. He still felt a little shaky, but that was probably because he’d been asleep all day and therefore hadn’t drunk anything. 

Joe wasn’t using the whole desk to do his work, so Patrick cleared off some of his own schoolwork and sat on the edge of the desk, facing Joe. He really needed to get another chair up here.

His friend took his headphones out and smiled as soon as he noticed Patrick’s presence. It only took a couple seconds - it looked like he was doing History work, and it was very easy to get distracted when doing something dull like that. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Joe joked, poking Patrick’s leg.

A poor attempt at kicking Joe’s hand was made in retaliation. “Hey, I enjoyed my long nap, thanks!” Patrick said as seriously as he could, before bursting into laughter for a second. “How was school?” he asked once he was calm enough.

“Same as usual,” Joe replied, rolling his eyes. He looked fed up, which was understandable; no one really enjoyed school to start with, and he was still doing twice the amount everyone else was doing in order to catch up. “I got your work from your teachers though.”

Patrick nodded gratefully; he hated being behind or missing work. Knowing his luck, the one topic he missed would be on the exam. Or at least be subject to a pop quiz worth part of his grade, or something. That had happened to him before. It was the  _ worst. _

There was time for that later, though. Right now he was still sleepy and also in the presence of someone he cared about far more than his grades. Far more than he should, really.

He unlocked his phone, wincing at all the unread notifications he still had. He ignored the group chat’s usual ‘I hate school’ messages for now and instead checked his Tumblr notifications. He’d been ignoring the site for a while, running his blog on a queue, but that wouldn’t last forever.

Most of them were people reblogging posts from him, with the occasional tag in a screenshot from the group chat. There was one ask notification though. Of course. The anonymous icon seemed to be staring right at him, mocking him, judging him for whatever he was about to find in his inbox.

The screen was covered almost immediately by a hand, the phone pulled from his tight grip. He guessed something must’ve shown on his face because now Joe was in his line of vision, his hands on Patrick’s cheeks.

“Ignore it,” Joe said sternly, moving so that his eye contact couldn’t be avoided. “You’re so much better than what they say to you. You understand? Ignore them, if they can’t see how wonderful you are then there’s something wrong with them.”

Patrick tried to shake his head, but Joe was holding it in place. “I’m- I’m not,” he mumbled, still trying to avoid his friend’s gaze even though it was useless.

“You are.” Joe let go so that he could pick up the phone again instead. Patrick reached for it instinctively, but it was held out of his reach as Joe hit the block button on the message. “Easy as that. And later, go to your desktop settings and turn off anonymous asks.”

He wasn’t sure blocking them would help anything - it might be more than one person, and they could always make new accounts - but he was willing to go along with it just to keep Joe happy. Turning off anons would work, and although he did have a few nice followers afraid to show their faces if losing them was the price he paid to be free of the hate messages then maybe it was worth it.

Joe changed screens to the group chat and fired a message off before finally handing the phone back. “Alright, I’m going to finish this essay, and you’re going to sit there and talk to our friends, okay?”

Patrick nodded silently and turned his gaze down to the phone screen. It was already moving quickly with new messages, but Patrick scrolled up to the one Joe sent and started from there.

**soul-punk:** hey today is national say nice things about patrick day :)))) -j   
**decaydance:** EXCELLENT LOVE YOU TRICK   
**soul-punk:** i dont approve of this joseph   
**soul-punk:** hes doing homework but im complaining anyway   
**vices-virtues:** roses are red violets are blue patrick ur cool, u do u   
**reinvent-love:** this is why im the poet   
**reinvent-love:** but yeah you’re cool   
**celluloidheroes:** your music taste is awesome and you’re funny as heck!   
**deathspells:** brendon is the fool, ryan is the poet and spencer is the one who can actually hold a conversation   
**celluloidheroes:** yeah pretty much   
**blurryface:** best blog i follow on tumblr that i never reblog from   
**spookyjim:** oh mood why do we both have cryptid / horror blogs   
**youngveins:** on a scale of one to ten youre like a really big number like twelve   
**willubminor:** twelve isnt that big jon   
**brobecks:** bigger than ten though   
**youngveins:** thanks dal lov u   
**xvx:** im here what did i miss   
**xvx:** oh a lot lol   
**xvx:** ay patrick you are awesome   
**jetstar:** hey what happened to your secret admirer?

Wow, Patrick had been so caught up in his own issues later that he’d completely forgotten about whoever had been leaving notes in his locker. He didn’t remember getting one for a while, or maybe he’d just stopped looking once he’d taken them off his wall and hid them out of sight.

**soul-punk:** yknow im not actually sure

He put his phone in his pocket, hopped off the desk and wandered over to his bedside table, rummaging through the drawer for the small pile of notes he knew were in there somewhere. They’d been pushed to the back, under a notebook or two, and were crumpled badly but somehow still legible.

He read through them again quickly as he walked back to the desk. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar, although he couldn’t quite place it. How many people did he know with handwriting that messy?

A few, unfortunately. The smart kids whose homework he tended to copy also tended to have bad handwriting.

His eyes jumped to Joe’s homework, drawn to the movement of the pen that could be seen from the corner of his eye. He was still working hard on whatever essay he was writing, and Patrick watched as loops formed in the shape of ‘o’s and ‘e’s, tails on ‘g’s falling halfway down to the next line, and there was something familiar about that too. Even in the way his capital ‘Y’s looked funny because he insisted on writing them in a strange way.

He looked back at the notes in his hand again before freezing in shock. He must’ve read the top one multiple times in the last few minutes but hadn’t really been taking it in, but now he couldn’t even make it past the first word.

_ You. _ With the same capital ‘Y’.

“Hey, Joe,” he said quietly, reaching out to tap his friend’s shoulder. “Is this your handwriting?”

Joe looked up, first at Patrick’s face and then at the small pieces of paper in his hand. There was a tense silence in the room for a few seconds as Joe opened and closed his mouth, searching for a response, not moving other than that. “I… I have to go,” he said finally, going from 0 to 100 as he hurriedly started shoving his work into his schoolbag.

“What?” was all Patrick could think to say. It took him another second or two to kick into action and grab Joe’s arm. “No, you don’t, what are you doing?”

“I have to go, I can’t-” Joe shoved the shorter teen’s hand off as he zipped his bag up, and Patrick stumbled slightly, giving Joe a headstart out of the room.

“Wait!” Patrick yelled, following Joe down the stairs as carefully as he could without falling, which wasn’t quite fast enough. The front door slammed in his face, and he pulled it back open. “Joe!” he shouted at his friend’s retreating back.

He debated following, but he was not in shape for a chase across town, and his inhaler was upstairs anyway. Stupid, bad health. He’d have to try and corner Joe in the bathroom at school tomorrow or something.

“Hey, was that Joe leaving?” Patrick turned around when he heard his mother’s voice. She was stood in the doorway with a mixing bowl on her arms and a look of concern on her face.

“Yeah,” Patrick answered, closing the door and leaning on it for support. “He, uh, got a text and had to leave suddenly.

It was a bad lie, and both of them know it, but his mother luckily decided not to push the issue any further at that moment. They could talk about it when his heart wasn’t beating at what felt like 100 miles per hour.

He pulled his phone back out of his pocket and opened the group chat. The conversation had moved on in the time it had taken for Joe to run out of his house, but it wasn’t being spammed, so they’d all see the messages Patrick was about to send.

**soul-punk:** hey   
**soul-punk:** the notes were from joe


	15. lightning in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they go from being idiot gays to functioning gays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> worst writers block ever  
> i'm really sorry for the wait on this, but i genuinely couldn't bring myself to write anything for months. not even the other fic i'm working on right now which is basically just rewriting something i've done before. it was an awful time. i hope this makes up for it.
> 
> chapter title from 'trade mistakes' by panic! at the disco
> 
> re: the tags: this ones pretty good, just a couple drug mentions

Patrick hadn’t meant to freak Joe out like that. Honestly, if he’d know that would be the reaction, he would’ve kept the realisation to himself. Maybe he should’ve fought harder to stop Joe leaving or something, but there was nothing he could do about it now.  As far as he was aware he hadn’t developed time control powers. 

Would Joe avoid him at school too? He wasn’t sure he could go back to wandering those corridors alone now that he’d become used to having a friend. They were working on a group project together as well, and if they weren’t talking then it was going to be so awkward.

He’d really messed this one up.

Messages were flooding into the group chat but he couldn’t look at them, couldn’t do much more than lean his head back against the door and sigh. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut for one minute? What if he’d just ruined his closest friendship as well as his chance at a relationship? 

His phone began to buzz with an incoming call, and for a second he managed to convince himself it was Joe, calling to confess his love or something. It was like a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head when he saw Brendon’s face on the screen instead, calling him on Facebook.

_ “Hey, Patrick!”  _ Brendon said, sounding cheerful as ever.  _ “Congratulations on figuring out who your secret admirer was! At least it wasn’t someone trying to play a trick on you- ha, get it? A trick on Trick!” _

“He ran out when I asked him about it,” Patrick replied. May as well get that out of the way first. “So yeah, congratulations to me.”

There was a pause.  _ “Oh. Well, um, that’s terrible,”  _ Brendon said finally. There was something as well, but he must’ve been holding the phone away from his face. He was probably with Spencer and Ryan right now.  _ “So what are you gonna do?” _

“What can I do?” Patrick asked with a sigh. This was not his area of expertise in the slightest. 

There was some shuffling on the other end of the line and suddenly it was Spencer’s voice coming through the speaker instead.  _ “Well, you told him how you didn’t want anything to do with whoever was writing them, right? So maybe he’s freaking out now because he’s taking it as meaning you don’t like him back.” _

That made… a shocking amount of sense. Trust Spencer to always be the voice of reason. “I guess. I do like him, though. In a romantic way, not just a friendly way.” It felt weird to be saying it out loud, but it was the truth.

_ “So tell him that. Even if he ignores you at school, there’s always texting. Ryan told me he loved me for the first time over text because writing’s easier for him than talking, there’s nothing wrong with it.”  _

Well, that was always an option. “Yeah, I guess. Thanks. Hey, why did you guys call anyway?”

Another pause.  _ “Well, you stopped reading so we assumed it had either gone really well or really badly. And Gee was worried, said someone should call just in case? Turns out a lot of people in the chat are bad with phone calls, so. Here we are.” _

“Gee and I had a heart-to-heart after I passed out, I’m not surprised they were worried,” Patrick said truthfully. “Thanks for checking in. Can you tell the chat that I’ll probably be offline for a while? I’ll be fine though, promise.”

_ “Yeah, of course. Talk to you soon!”  _ Spencer replied, and they said goodbye to each other before Patrick ended the call.

Had he really worried Gee that much? Maybe he’d have to start sending pictures of what he was eating to them instead of to Joe. They’d probably start worrying even more if he disappeared from the Internet completely.

This sucked. No wonder his mother always told him that love was difficult.

\-----

He really had been planning on staying out of the group chat for a few days, but he was about ten minutes into his lunch break when he remembered how tedious it was to sit by yourself and scroll through Tumblr for so long.

There had been a lot of messages overnight but he didn’t bother to read them. If anything important had happened, someone would fill him in. 

**soul-punk:** turns out i’m bad at staying away from things hey guys

_ [Joe Trohman left the chat] _

Well, that was pretty much the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen. Guess he really had messed this whole thing up.

_ [Pete Wentz added Joe Trohman to the chat] _

**decaydance:** dont be a coward joseph   
**fallout-boy:** you cant tell me what to do im taller than you   
**brobecks:** i really wish that was how the world worked   
**vices-virtues:** hey losers uhh we dont actually know a lot about each other when you think about it   
**vices-virtues:** this is kinda related to the joetrick fiasco in the sense that maybe we should be more open but obviously not in like ‘tell me all your secrets!!!’ way   
**vices-virtues:** just like… i dunno. what do your tumblr urls mean?

Patrick was almost surprised to find himself agreeing with Brendon. Because really, what  _ did _ he know about these people? Well, he knew a lot about Joe (except one very important fact that had resulted in his current lunchtime situation) but if he was quizzed on some of his friends, would he know the answers?

**vices-virtues:** i’ll start i guess? mine is based on something i was told at church once that stuck with me even though i dont believe in stuff anymore. the short story is that nobody is perfect pretty much.  
**decaydance:** brendon my man you have great ideas when you arent high   
**decaydance:** i just think decaydance would be a cool band name   
**electric-century:** dude thats the exact same explanation as mine  
**decaydance:** twinsies   
**hesitantalien:** i dont even remember the reason behind mine tbh it was eons ago mikey do you know  
**electric-century:** gee i have never remembered a single thing ever

That was a mood. Mikey was over exaggerating, of course, but it was still relatable. Patrick had blanked during more than one test, let alone all the birthdays he’d forgotten over the years.

**fallout-boy:** i just really like the simpsons   
**brobecks:** another band name here!  
**decaydance:** we better all be famous musicians one day or this is gonna be one hell of a waste  
**reinvent-love:** mines an arthur rimbaud quote because poetry is cool and we’re both gay lol  
**celluloidheroes:** if you say lol again im breaking up with you   
**reinvent-love:** no you arent now start sharing spencer smith

God, Patrick was jealous of the three of them. He had been ever since their phone call yesterday. They were so comfortable with each other, although part of that was probably due to Ryan and Spencer being best friends for their entire lives. He wished he had something like that with Joe.

Not that the signs hadn’t been in front of him the entire time. He was fairly certain that the cheek kiss wasn’t some starvation-fueled dream. And the instance that Patrick should consider who was writing the notes. There was probably more if he thought about it hard enough.

**celluloidheroes:** mine is a song by the kinks because i was gonna be a music blog but then memes happened **  
****xvx:** mine means vegan straight edge   
**deathspells:** andy thats boring.   
**deathspells:** anyway this is dark but mine is because i used to get a lot of chest infections and sometimes i’d like stop breathing for a second in my sleep also it sounds cool.  
**blurryface:** well if we’re sharing dark stories mine is a character in a recurring nightmare i have. and also it sounds cool.   
**spookyjim:** my explanation is aliens.   
**youngveins:** josh that is so valid and i was definitely high when i made my account so i dont remember either   
**spookyjim:** thats valid too, my guy  
**willubminor:** i love a good music pun   
**jetstar:** ...if i was a superhero that’d be my name i guess  
**vices-virtues:** paaaatrick your turn   
**soul-punk:** another music one, i like listening to punk music but my mom says i have a soul voice  
**fallout-boy:** she’s right you really do   
**deathspells:** joe your gay is showing   
**fallout-boy:** shut up gremlin i’ll leave again i s2g   
**deathspells:** hey its not my fault you and your not-boyfriend had a fall out, boy   
**fallout-boy:** i can and will mute you

At least Patrick hadn’t freaked Joe out so much that he was aggressively repressing his crush. There was still hope for them yet if only Joe would actually talk to him.

**celluloidheroes:** go be gay wherever patrick is you two are gonna be fineee  
**soul-punk:** the band room, as usual

He didn’t expect Joe to listen, but he appreciated Spencer’s support. Spencer was a great friend.

He switched over to his 2048 app to try and pass some more time while he waited either for Joe to show up or for the bell to ring (probably the latter). He’d figured out how to win ages ago, so now he just played in to try and relax. And because it annoyed Joe when he showed him winning screenshots, since his friend had never been able to finish the game. Not that he could do that right now, though.

Like most things, though, it started to get a little tedious after winning five games in a row. He’d convinced himself that this was how he’d have to spend lunchtime for the rest of the school year, just like he’d done until Joe switched schools. He was dreading it already.

“Did you eat your lunch?”

Joe’s voice made him look up from the screen in shock. “I- yeah, I ate it.” Patrick picked up his lunch box full of empty wrappers to prove it, trying to ignore how his hands were shaking slightly.

“You didn’t send a picture.” Joe sat down cross-legged in front of Patrick, effectively trapping him in the corner of the room. It made his anxiety levels spike a little, but they were kept in check by the part of his brain that was repeating  _ it’s Joe, he’s a friend, I love him, _ on a loop inside his head.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to message you right now or not,” Patrick replied truthfully. He drummed his fingers on his thighs, looking at them instead of Joe. Part of him was convinced that Joe was only here to tell him that they weren’t friends anymore, even though literally all of the evidence pointed to the opposite. He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact.

Joe sighed. “Please look at me. I don’t hate you, I promise.”

With that reassurance, Patrick dragged his gaze back up to Joe’s face, fingers still tapping at a mile a minute. “So we’re still friends, then?”

“I… yeah, we’re friends.” Joe reached up and scratched the back of his head, wincing when his fingers inevitably got caught in a curl or two. “But I’d also like to, uh, be your boyfriend? If you want? I’m not sure if you noticed, although you probably figured it out yesterday, I really, really like you in more than normal friend way and I totally understand if you don’t feel the same-”

“Yes, I want you to be my boyfriend,” Patrick interrupted with a smile. “And I’d like to be yours too. I’m not sure if  _ you _ noticed, but I’ve had a huge crush on you for a while now too.”

Joe looked more relieved than Patrick had ever seen him before a matching grin spread across his face. “Boyfriends it is then. Can I kiss you?”

Patrick nodded and tipped his hat back so that it wouldn’t get in the way. Yeah, kissing was something he was cool with. 

Joe shuffled even closer, but this time Patrick didn’t care at all. They leant towards each other as if they were caught in a magnetic field, drawn to one enough with no hope of escape. Not that Patrick would want to be anywhere but here right now. He tilted his head to the side slightly and tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating as if it was trying to break free from his chest.

Their lips touched, and Patrick had never felt more like he was in exactly the right place at the right time. Every happy memory, every band he’d seen at a gig, nothing would compare to the feeling of finally getting to kiss Joe after so much time waiting and having to make do with hugs and holding hands. 

Joe’s lips were chapped. Patrick knew that already, but it was different to be feeling it rather than seeing it. It wasn’t a bad sensation though; the scratch from the dead skin was enough to keep his thoughts from running away too much so that he could actually focus on the kiss. And he could definitely get used to this. Definitely his best first kiss with someone.

Patrick pulled back to breathe eventually and reached forwards to hold Joe’s hands like he’d done so many times before. “Now you can compliment me in person rather than using up all your Post-It notes,” he joked.

Joe blushed, looking down shyly at their hands. “Yeah. The first one was just because you looked like you needed someone to say nice things about you, I guess? I dunno, it made more sense at the time. But then I realised that you’re just a really amazing person, even if you don’t believe it.”

Patrick leant forward further to kiss Joe’s cheek. “Thank you for that, honestly. And I guess I probably made you feel bad with all that ‘I don’t wanna date whoever’s leaving them!’ stuff, but that’s because it never occurred to me that you were leaving them, and the only friend I wanted to maybe date one day was you.”

“It did, but I understood. Don’t worry about it.” Joe moved to sit next to Patrick instead of opposite him and pulled the shorter teen into his lap. “Take a stupid picture so that the group chat will stop yelling at us.”

Patrick laughed as he opened up the camera app on his phone. “How stupid?”

“This stupid,” Joe answered, taking off Patrick’s hat and putting it on his own head. He rested his chin on Patrick’s shoulder and smiled with his eyes closed, causing Patrick to laugh as he took the picture. It looked awful, but it also made them look just as happy as Patrick felt.

**soul-punk:** [picture attached]  
**soul-punk:** that went well   
**youngveins:** so are you guys usual good or extra good now  
**soul-punk:** extra good, for sure  
**youngveins:** yaaaay 

“Jon totally knew I was leaving the notes, I’m impressed he managed to keep it a secret for so long,” Joe said, tightening his arms around Patrick’s waist. 

“And Kenny knew I had a crush on you. That’s a lot more believable secret, though.” Patrick reached back and grabbed his hat, feeling weird without it on. God knows how he got away with wearing it at school, but he did. “Hey, have you ever seen High School Musical?”

Joe rolled his eyes. “Duh, everyone’s seen that film. Why, are you suggesting our first date be watching all three of them back-to-back?”

“No!” Patrick laughed, elbowing his friend -  _ boyfriend  _ \- gently. “I was just thinking. Is this the start of something new? Because it certainly feels right, being here with you.”

“You’re the biggest nerd I’ve ever met,” Joe said, leaning in for a quick kiss. “But yeah, I think it is.”


	16. put me back together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Patrick and Joe are really cute together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eleven months later and we're finally finished! i'm probably never going to write something with multiple chapter again, oof. thanks to everyone who's stuck with this fic since chapter one (especially my no.1 cheerleader elia!) i love you all. 
> 
> chapter title from "coast (it's gonna get better)" by patrick stump

Contrary to popular belief, Patrick did have friends. Just because he only knew most them on the internet, it didn’t mean they didn’t count. But his best friends were definitely the ones he’d met in real; Pete, who finally saved up for a car and drove himself across the Chicago suburbs every couple of weeks, and Joe.

He didn’t see it as a bad thing that he’d never met most of his friends, and although his mom didn’t feel up to driving across the country for them to meet just in case any of them _were_ fake, Patrick wasn’t worried. They had video chat and all that stuff nowadays.

He’d also befriended some of their mutuals too - Dal’s friend Mike was pretty cool - and Breezy, Ryan and Matt. Dal knew a lot of great people - and Gee’s friend Lynz. But Joe was still the best thing to happen to him on the internet, and he knew he’d never regret impulsively signing up for Pete’s group chat, even if it had messed his mental health up for a while. The benefits outweigh the cost, as his psychology teacher would say.

He loved Joe, and Joe loved him, as he was often reminded. Well, ‘reminded’ implied that he’d forgotten, and he hadn’t, but Joe still liked to say it at every opportunity. He had high hopes for them working out.

They were scrolling through Patrick’s Tumblr dashboard, laughing at all the drama, when his phone pinged, telling him he had a notification from the app. He switched over to the activity tag to check it.

_decaydance mentioned you in a post_

“Aw, what’s Pete getting sappy about this time?” Joe jokingly asked, and Patrick laughed as he clicked on the notification. It was the response to an ask Pete had received, and everyone in the group chat was tagged at the end.

“The Young Menace network is still going strong! We’re all great friends now, some more than that. Looking at you, Joe and Patrick. And Mikey and Frank. And Brendon and Ryan and Spencer. One day I might add more people maybe but it’s working pretty well as it is right now,” Patrick read aloud. “Iconic moments? All of them, to be honest. I love all these kids so much it’s unreal.”

“I was joking about the sappiness,” Joe said, getting out his own phone. Patrick liked and reblogged the post at around the same time as the group chat started blowing up.

 **vices-virtues:** peter im at rehearsal why would you do that to me???  
**decaydance:** sorry but not really  
**youngveins:** big love!!!  
**decaydance:** haha thanks jon  
**soul-punk:** if you call us kids again i’ll block you  
**decaydance:** no you wont you love me  
**fallout-boy:** not as much as he loves me though

Patrick grinned and leant over to kiss Joe’s cheek. “Maybe it’s almost equal amounts of love but in different ways,” he managed to get out before Joe kissed him properly.

“Boys, dinner’s ready!” Patrick swore under his breath as he heard his mother’s voice. It was gonna be obvious that they’d been making out. Not that she minded, but Patrick still found it embarrassing.

This wasn’t the first time he hoped dinner would be something quick to eat so that he could get back to this bedroom, although it might be the first time it was for that reason.

\-----

When they’d finished eating he unlocked his phone, scrolling back up to catch up on the group chat, while Joe cuddled him from behind and read over his shoulder. One day they’d have a date where they ignored the group chat, but right now they were both happy to watch all the love amongst their friends.

 **vices-virtues:** real talk though you guys are my only friends and i totally agree i love you all   
**celluloidheroes:** biggest mood thanks brendon   
**hesitantalien:** i love all of you except mikey   
**electric-century:** liar liar pants on fire  
**hesitantalien:** and thats why i dont love mikey  
**death-spells:** it’s okay he’s got me to make up for it

Patrick chuckled, as he often did then the Way siblings were texting each other even though most times they were in the same room. They were a funny pair and it made Patrick wish he had a sibling of his own. He had two step-siblings but he saw them so rarely that he considered them more like cousins.

 **xvx:** i love you all even if you all hate milwaukee  
**spookyjim:** wisconsin is the fakest of all the states   
**xvx:** wyoming   
**spookyjim:** oh you got me there

Patrick looked at the time and realised it was almost time for Joe to leave. For some stupid reason, Joe’s parents wouldn’t let him have sleepovers on school nights, so they just changed which house they went round after school every day. It was probably because they never did any homework when they were together, but whatever.

As if on cue the doorbell rang, and Patrick rolled over to give Joe one last kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you,” he said, with Joe repeating the sentiment as he got up. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but they made it work.

\-----

There was no way Patrick could be expected to pay attention to his math teacher when Joe looked like _that_. He had a beanie and his glasses on, the most obvious signs of a low-maintenance day, but Patrick found it unreasonably attractive. He really hoped there wasn’t a pop quiz on this stuff in the next lesson because he’d be screwed.

 **soul-punk:** guys im so gay?  
**reinvent-love:** whats the gay happening of the day  
**soul-punk:** joes entire existence he looks great today and i cant function  
**reinvent-love:** thats such a mood  
**decaydance:** send pics i wanna see hot joe   
**soul-punk:** not right now we’re in math class

The bell rang, shocking Patrick, who’d been daydreaming for far longer than he’d thought. Oh well, he could always copy his boyfriend’s work, it would be fine.

Speaking of his boyfriend, Joe wrapped his arm around Patrick’s waist as they walked out into the hallway. “I could feel you staring at me the whole lesson, you know. Thought you were a good student.”

“Hey, I’m a great student, thank you very much,” Patrick replied, pulling Joe even closer to him. He looked even better up close. Wow, Patrick was so gone for this guy it was unreal. And to think they’d only been dating a couple of weeks. “Not my fault you’re so distracting.”

Joe’s hand moved lower, and Patrick tensed for a second before realising his boyfriend was just trying to sneak something into Patrick’s back pocket. He rolled his eyes. “You aren’t subtle, Joseph.”

He pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket - a pink Post-It note this time. A fitting colour for their new relationship, Patrick thought, and then rolled his eyes at _himself_. English class didn’t start for another two minutes, no need to be so analytical.

_You’re the most perfect persen I’ve ever met. I love you._

“Joe, you didn’t even spell ‘person’ correctly.”

Joe snatched the note back and squinted at it. “What? Oh wow, I’m such an idiot. I’m a sophomore and I can’t spell ‘person’.”

“It’s okay,” Patrick laughed. “I love you too.” He looked back down at the misspelt note and immediately decided that this one was the most special. The first one since they’d started dating. And the first one that he’d really let himself believe.

\-----

Once they’d sat down for lunch Patrick took a picture of the note and Joe and sent it to the group chat before Pete could yell at him for one. Because Pete had apparently worked out when his lunchtime was.

 **soul-punk:** [picture attached]  
**soul-punk:** i love a cutie who cant spell  
**willubminor:** okay but me  
**decaydance:** beanie and glasses is what got you all hot and bothered? patrick youre a basic white girl  
**soul-punk:** leave me alone  
**brobecks:** thats my entire aesthetic joe i approve  
**fallout-boy:** thank you, dallon  
**jetstar:** you kids are so cute  
**blurryface:** i second that  
**decaydance:** any patrick i’m crashing at yours this weekend yeah?  
**soul-punk:** sure!

“Aw, you’re gonna let Pete third wheel all weekend?” Joe joked, pulling Patrick onto his lap. He panicked for about half a second that he was too heavy to sit on Joe, but then managed to push that worry aside. He was fine. Joe loved him just the way he was. “You’re ruining my seduction plans.”

“You know full well that you aren’t seducing me, Trohman. Keep it in your pants,” Patrick replied with a laugh. They both knew that it wouldn’t be too bad. Pete just liked company; the younger teens were happy to provide it, even if it did mean they had less time together. That’s what friends are for.

\-----

“Hey mom, Pete’s coming over this weekend. And Joe too, probably. If that’s alright?” He hastily added the last part, realising that he shouldn’t assume his mother would be alright with two other teenagers in the house on short notice. She was usually chill, but it never hurt to actually ask.

“Sure, honey! Joe with you in your room and Pete in the spare, or all in the living room?” His mother looked up from whatever she was cooking and smiled at Patrick.

He thought about it for a second. “If I tidied the room, we could probably fit the air mattress in there. I think that would work best.” That way Pete wouldn’t feel left out, but Patrick and Joe could still cuddle in bed like usual.

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Go tidy then!” she said, jokingly trying to shoo Patrick away. He laughed and ducked away from her hand, then went back up to his room to tell Pete.

 **soul-punk:** pete gets to sleep on my bedroom floor this week  
**fallout-boy:** darn guess we’ll have to be real quiet :/  
**soul-punk:** oh hush  
**decaydance:** thanks you know i can only sleep when there’s other people in the room

It seemed like Pete was almost never in his own bed, but if that’s what he needed to stay sane, then the rest of them didn’t care. Jon hosted him just as much as Patrick did. But the more important thing was that Joe would be with him all weekend too. The less time he spent away from Joe, the better.

Patrick closed his chat bubbles and opened Tumblr to find himself on Kenny’s blog from when he’d send his friend a message earlier. He was still a fan of Kenny’s content so he scrolled for a while, reblogging anything that caught his eye until the group chat popped back up.

 **willubminor:** patricks stalking my blog again lol  
**youngveins:** in the group chat we all stalk kenny  
**jetstar:** gee wanna come round mine this weekend  
**deathspells:** what about me and mikey  
**jetstar:** unlike joe and patrick, you and mikey will end up being nasty  
**brobecks:** why are frank and mikey gonna be mean  
**brobecks:** oh wait no i understand  
**blurryface:** i dont want to understand your dirty jokes

Patrick had mastered the art of laughing in a way that wouldn’t mess his breathing up. The whole ‘Dal taking a while and Tyler never understanding’ thing had become a group chat meme over time, but it was still funny.  Tyler was the straightest person in the chat and they all joked about it, including Tyler.

He exited out of Kenny’s blog now that he’d been caught and let the app refresh. Andy was clearly online since his dashboard was full of vegan recipes and workout plans. Andy’s blog almost made him want to go to the gym to see what all the fuss was about, and to at least go vegetarian. The latter was far more likely, but he wasn’t going to try until he was certain he had his eating disorder under control. Andy was a cool vegan though and knew the others had their reasons not to be.

He had Joe on post notifications, so he knew that his boyfriend was in the same position, online rather than doing homework. Well, Patrick had actually done most of his homework for once, but Joe seemed to forever be playing catch-up.

He made his way to Joe’s blog and quickly sent a message to his boyfriend, then waited for him to answer it. Patrick was probably a little too impatient; he spent most the day with Joe, he could wait ten minutes for a reply.

 _soul-punk asked: do your geometry homework, idiot  
_ _fallout-boy answered: maybe i managed to do it without your help for once. (i didn’t)_

Patrick laughed and called Joe. “Right, which question are you stuck on today?” he asked, pulling his own homework towards him.

“All of it, Trick, math is so hard,” Joe groaned. “I’m going to be a famous guitarist one day, I don’t need math. What the hell is a congruent triangle?”

Patrick sighed internally and quickly reread his answer to the first question, trying to figure out how to explain his working to Joe. The rest of his homework could wait until the morning.

\-----

Saturday arrived quickly, and Joe arrived much earlier in the day than Pete, since the older teen had a job that he didn’t want to be fired from before Arma Angelus got a good record deal. Patrick was curled up on his sofa, a blanket over him and his head in Joe’s lap, as they marathoned all the Marvel films Patrick owned. They had their tickets for Infinity War and figured they may as well remind themselves of the former plots.

“Your hair’s really soft,” Joe mumbled during a quiet moment. He’d been carding his fingers through Patrick’s hair for the whole of _Iron Man 2_ , stopping only when Black Widow did something particularly impressive. Patrick would probably let her crush him with her thighs. “Why do you wear the hats all the time?”

“I thought you liked that hats?” Patrick was deliberately avoiding the question. It was another one of those ‘I don’t like anything about myself’ quirks, and he wasn’t in the mood for a deep conversation like that right now. He wanted to think about superpowers, not himself.

“I do like the hats. I was just wondering,” Joe said, turning his attention back to the screen that Patrick was barely watching at this point. He left like he could fall asleep.

He could hear footsteps heading from the kitchen to the living room. “Hey, do you boys want any snacks?” his mother asked.

“Yeah,” Patrick answered, starting to sit up to go grab some. His mother waved her hand at him though, gesturing at him to lie back down, so he did. “Uh, can we have a bag of Doritos? And I’d like a glass of water, please.”

She handed him his drink and the crisps a minute later and then left the teenagers alone again. Patrick had seen this film enough times to know exactly what was going to happen, so it was easy for him to start focusing on the plot again. Not that _Iron Man 2_ had a great plot, but it was better than some films he’d seen.

“If they actually kill Iron Man, I’m gonna be so mad,” Joe said, not looking away from the screen. Patrick nodded in agreement. Apparently, a lot of people were supposed to die; he was pretty sure Spiderman would make it though since there was a sequel to his film coming out in a couple years. He loved Spiderman. And Tom Holland was really cute.

“Hey, you know the kid Tony saves at the end of this? With the Iron Man mask? They confirmed that that’s actually Peter Parker,” Patrick commented, looking up at Joe to see his reaction.

His boyfriend looked down in surprise. “No kidding? Wow, I love this franchise, even if it is about to rip my heart out of my chest.”

There was an explosion from the TV, drawing their attention back to the film, and Patrick zoned out for a while to focus on the music instead. The score really brought the movie to life, even if it wasn’t as good as the one from the first film. He briefly considered scoring movies as a career in the future, but from what he knew, it required more classical stuff than drums and a bit of guitar. He made a mental note to look it up when he wasn’t busy.

His phone buzzed, Pete’s name appearing on the screen next to a message saying ‘ _gonna be a bit late sorry’._ Patrick quickly sent back a sad face emoji, which Pete replied to with a heart. “Hey, Pete’s gonna be late, we might be able to get through Avengers as well as Captain America.”

“You should send a picture of our movie and Doritos to the group chat to make him jealous,” Joe said. Patrick knew Pete would take it as a joke, so he quickly took a photo and sent it, waiting for someone else to check their phone.

 **soul-punk:** [picture attached]  
**soul-punk:** bet you guys are having less fun than us  
**decaydance:** this is so unfair???  
**jetstar:** someone come watch movies with me :(  
**deathspells:** sorry you banned mikey and i from hanging out with you  
**jetstar:** only if youre both hanging out with me at the same time!  
**xvx:** someone come watch movies with me :(  
**vices-virtues:** try not living in milwaukee, andrew  
**soul-punk:** sorry my mom wont le

Patrick looked up again when Joe started hitting his shoulder. “Dude, you missed the best part! I hope they make Black Widow this cool again in Infinity War, Joss Whedon did her so dirty.”

“That’s so true. If they had to force a romance, they should’ve made it with Hawkeye. They had chemistry. Give me the remote so I can go back.” He quickly finished typing out the message he was sending as Joe leant forward for the remote.

 **soul-punk:** sorry my mom wont let me do stupid things like visit wisconsin

Joe bent over to kiss Patrick before giving him the remote. Patrick pressed rewind and sent the message.


End file.
